Fashion
The 11 Most Basic Halloween Costumes Of All Time, From Miley Cyrus To Every Sexy Profession Out There
Halloween is the perfect holiday. It's just you, your couch, pumpkin-themed decorations, an absurd amount of candy, and a Halloweentown marathon. For most young people, Halloween is also the perfect opportunity to be a little silly. And if you're a girl, it's an excuse to dress in lingerie. Admit it or not, we've all been there at one point or another. It's fun to be uber sexy once in a while, so hey — no judgment here.
It's a fact of Halloween that there are going to be a few costumes that girls (read: Basics Bitches) are always, always, always going to find an excuse to wear. Because while a sexy pirate costume may not make much sense when you think too hard, it is sexy, so it's acceptable.
Cheerleader
Oh, you saved your old cheerleading uniform from high school? How very, very convenient.
Charming USA Cheerleader Costume, $64.95, yandy.com
Sexy Teacher
As much as it shames me to admit, I once tried the sexy teacher look for a Halloween party. I curled my (blonde) hair and put on a pair of glasses and a pencil skirt. However, I was repeatedly asked throughout the night if I was being “sexy Taylor Swift.”
Why tell you this anecdote? Well, my friends, when the basic bitch (and there’s a little bit of basic bitch in all of us) dresses for Halloween, any costume can be made sexy and it will seem acceptable. Anything.
Sexy School Teacher Costume, $64.99, halloweencostumes.com
Miley Cyrus
A more recent choice, the Miley Cyrus costume has all the components of a “clever,” but still totally basic costume: Nakedness, a pop culture reference of some sort, and odd pieces of clothing that you may have buried in your closet somewhere (giant foam finger, anyone?).
Twerkin Teddy Adult Women’s Costume, $39.99, halloweencostumes.com
Nurse
Except not a real, “could possibly save your life” nurse. No, not those. Who wants to dress as one of those when you can be a sexy, half-naked nurse?
Adult Cut-Out Nurse Costume, $49.99, partycity.com
School Girl
As you sit with your friends sipping on PSLs the night before the party, all snug in your Ugg boots and excitement for the upcoming night of binge drinking and dress up, you realize, suddenly the easiest costume of all, “You know what would be totally easy? Wearing my old school uniform—but you know, sexier. Obvi.”
Sexy Study Date Costume Adult School Girl Costume, $34, wholesalehalloweencostumes.com
Katy Perry
Wearing giant plastic cupcakes over my boobs? How FUN!
Katy Perry California Gurl Cupcake Costume, $38.99, halloweencostumes.com
Sexy Pirate
This one doesn’t even make sense. Do you really think there were successful, highly sexualized female pirates back in the day? No. What you’re thinking of is a prostitute.
Also, in case you missed it, this is the first line in the description of this costume: “Make all the mates walk the plank—right into your embrace.” Sounds like a foolproof plan to me.
Adult Pirate Body Shaper Costume, $79.99, partycity.com
Referee
Again, this doesn’t make sense. Name one female referee you know of. The answer is zero, and I know this because I spent most of my pre-teen years wanting to be the NFL’s first female referee. I couldn’t tell you why, but just trust that I know what I’m talking about here.
Adult Instant Reply Referee Costume, $49.99, partycity.com
Sexy Cat
The one, the only: the sexy cat/kitten/feline animal of any kind. Leopard… snow leopard… mountain lion. It doesn’t matter. Apparently, cats become sex symbols on Halloween. Is anyone seeing a disconnect there? Because I am.
Cat Fight Kitty Adult Women’s Costume, $59.99, spirithalloween.com
Disney Princess
There’s always that one chick dressed as naked Cinderella who is giggling into a Solo cup at the party, “Oh my God, guys. It’s like SO funny — I actually found this in the kid’s section at the costume store and it still fit.” Never mind that a breast is about to pop out and at least 34 percent of her butt cheeks are exposed. It fits enough.
Adult Princess Cinderella Costume, $39.99, partycity.com
Cowgirl
This is just a very basic, very revealing outfit… PLUS pig tails. It’s like Halloween for the most basic, laziest girl who has ever existed.
Rodeo Sweetie Adult Women’s Costume, $39.99, spirithalloween.com
