Is This What Heaven Looks Like?

Say what you will about Olive Garden. "That's not authentic Italian food." "It's so bad for you!" "It is what it is." That's right — it is what it is: purveyors of joy. I don't want to hear another word. Now, Olive Garden is offering unlimited pasta for seven weeks in what is clearly a glimpse into a utopian society. For $100 (a small price to pay for utopia), customers can crunch on unlimited salad, savor the warm breadsticks, and swig Coca-Cola beverages like the Greek God of Wine in addition to feasting on their unlimited pasta offerings.

You can purchase the "Never Ending Pasta Pass" starting at 3 p.m. on Monday at OliveGarden.com. But act fast! Because there will only be 1,000 of these sold, making this pasta club a pretty VIP experience. However, even if you snooze and lose, the limited offer will be in conjunction with Olive Garden's usual "Never Ending Pasta Bowl" promo, which lets you gorge on all-you-can-eat pasta for $9.99 and runs from Sept. 22 to Nov. 9.

But if you want to shed your pasta training wheels and fly with the pasta eagles, then you know that's not enough. After 10 days of using the regular promo, you've already paid $100. Why not graduate to the big kids' table and pay $100 for 39 additional days of endless pasta?

Besides pure bliss, here are some combinations you can expect for the next seven weeks.

Classic Spaghetti and Meatballs (Beef or Chicken)

Spaghetti With Meat Sauce

Fettuccine Alfredo

Capellini Pomodoro

Chicken Alfredo

OK, so we may feel unconditional love for Olive Garden — and any family establishment we suburban kids grew up with — but we should also remind you that each pasta dish clocks in an average of 1,000 calories. So you do the math: 49 days x 1,000 calories = one seriously unhappy body (even if your soul is totally satisfied). So wield your VIP pasta powers responsibly.

Images: Olive Garden, Olive Garden/Facebook