Today in "THIS IS THE WEIRDEST NEWS I'VE HEARD ALL DAY WHAT THE HELL" news, apparently Jennifer Lawrence and Chris Martin are dating. Yep — that's Jennifer Lawrence of The Hunger Games and this terrible failed TV show, and Chris Martin of Coldplay and the consciously uncoupled Gwyneth Paltrow marriage. There really aren't many — if any — ways I've been able to make sense of this possible union.
For starters, while I'm not one to bring up age differences unless the couple is Courtney Stodden and Doug Hutchinson, J.Law just turned 24 and Martin is 37. That's only 13 years physically, but, a little more when you think about the fact that J.Law is mostly loved for her inability to act like a real adult in most situations. Martin, on the other hand, writes songs like he's well into his 30s and living in the 19th century. He's an old soul! Secondly, Chris Martin was once attracted to Gwyneth Paltrow, she of the green living (OK, real talk, her cookbook is actually amazing and I love it) and LA-hating. Think of everything Gwyneth Paltrow is, and J.Law is, like, the opposite of that.
On the other hand, Martin never seemed totally into Gwyneth's health food craze, so maybe J.Law's obsession with food is something he's into. And who knows, maybe J.Law really saw the deeper meaning behind "Viva La Vida." They do say opposites attract! And, you know, it does raise some interesting questions about how one of their dates would go down...
Chris would probably ask J.Law to dinner, because he's an old school Brit with good manners
J.Law would ask if there's food there
Because she's starving
They'd see a movie first, though, and it would be Amour, because Martin is deep, and J.Law is an actress so she should enjoy good cinema, right?
Oooor not. J.Law is starving, after all
So, they would go out to eat, and while waiting for their food, J.Law would not be able to focus
Then the waiter would bring the food, and J.Law would be grateful
Chris would be super into J.Law, because everyone is super into J.Law
And I mean everyone.
He'd probably write a song about it
J.Law would be too, but she'd be into her food maybe a bit more
Chris would try to impress her
And J.Law would say something silly
And she'd do something awkward
But they'd probably find some stuff in common
And they'd have a good time
And then they'd get more food. Because of course.
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