It takes a lot for something to be one of the weirdest moments in Bachelor universe history, but Bachelor in Paradise star Elise Mosca might just take the cake. Beyond Clare Crawley hopping out of the limo to greet Juan Pablo Galavis with a fake baby bump; beyond every person who's ever cried after being eliminated after knowing someone for an hour; and perhaps even beyond Tierra's supposedly fake injuries on Sean Lowe's Bachelor season. Elise's drama with Dylan Petit and Chris Bukowski was a big ol' slice o' crazy cake.
After Elise and Dylan exchanged bits of immature non-communication (Date other people, I'm completely ambivalent about you! You're my fairy tale guy even though I've only known you for like five days and you're super distant. Blah. Blah. Blah.), Elise took the base part of Dylan's mini-speech and made out with Chris in the ocean. Because this is Bachelor in Paradise and this isn't complicated enough already, Dylan then got rather salty and took Elise's friend in the house, Sarah Herron, on a one-on-one date.
Like the grown-up she's not, Elise told Sarah it was a-OK, but it was only a matter of time before her heart started to hurt. A whole lot of back and forth ensued, and it all boiled down to one thing: Dylan and Elise need to grow the fuck up and probably shouldn't be dating anyone just about now. (Well, two things if we count the part where Chris introduced us to worst insult known to man: "Fat Damon"? Really, guy? REALLY?)
It all came to a head when Sarah chatted with Dylan about not wanting to get in the middle of whatever he had with Elise, so Dylan trotted over to Elise to inform her not to waste her rose on him (clearly, he assumed Sarah bought what he was selling). Elise, despite Dylan specifically saying he didn't want to accept her rose, tried to give her rose to the least affectionate partner in town. Naturally, she was rejected. And that's when it got weird.
Elise, per no one's request, stopped the rose ceremony to say a whole lot of nothing. There were a whole lot of words happening — things like life, love, and journeys (the whole Bachelor vocab playbook). And while she thought she was saying something profound, I (and every other person in that rose ceremony, if their faces are to be believed) thought she sounded more like this:
Her speech lulled everyone into confusion, even Chris, who accepted the rose Dylan rejected with a chuckle. Sarah clearly had a bad taste in her mouth after getting caught up in the Dylan drama and gave heartbroken (and adorable) Robert Graham a third second chance at love.
Luckily, Dylan is no longer around to rub his unwashed hands together and complain about how "Elise is out of her mind" (even if the girl is clearly nutty, maybe don't be so rude after you helped egg that side of her on?). No word on how many more nonsensical speeches his rejected make-out buddy plans to make as the season continues.
Images: Agustin Murillo/ABC; when-in-ihs/Tumblr
