What Are These 'Downton Abbey' Characters Thinking

Perfectly manicured hair. White bowties. Dainty gloves. Diamond head pieces. Cherub-like children. Secret pregnancies. Witty grandmothers. Gorgeous cars. Irish accents. Scenic views. Mean sisters. Endless suitors. A verbose and plump chef. And so much freakin' sexual tension! Basically, I'm in serious Downton Abbey withdrawal right now, and, to be honest, I'm not coping all that well. I'm five minutes away from buying a golden bell and ringing it just to see if Carson will appear with a biscuit for me.

Unfortunately for fans of PBS' hit show, we're all going to be in Crawley-related withdrawal until the show returns for Season 5 in January 2015. (I know, it's pretty much the worst Downton Abbey news since Matthew and Sybil cruelly died right before our eyes.) It seems like it's been ages since we got to watch Mary being chased by a gazillion men, Edith having negative-one suitors, the Dowager Countess of Grantham whipping out her sharp tongue, and Tom doubting his place in society.

Luckily, for those of you who can't possibly wait for the Season 5 premiere of Downton Abbey, here are few sneakpeek photos, courtesy of the show's Instagram account, and what I imagine the characters are probably thinking to themselves:

Master George Crawley

Hand me a candy cigar, old chap. Ah, thank you, sir. Did you hear about the spilled milk in the kitchen this morning? What dreadful news. Almost as much of a catastrophe as mummy's heel breaking during tea. Oh, the unpleasant memories of that morning — she was so flustered she almost forgot to tell my nanny to ready for my mid-day comb. Imagine if she hadn't managed to remember! The scandal.

Miss Sybbie Branson

Sybil, Sybil, Sybil! That's all I ever hear in this castle. I prefer to go by Sybbie, even if people say that's not a real person's name. Also, I've got a bone to pick with that nasty lady who emotionally and physically shamed me for having my daddy as a dad. He's got a wonderful accent — who wouldn't love that? Also, please tell Georgie to share his rocking horse with me. Everything's unfair in my life. Why me? Why ME?

Branson and Cora

This is my chance to woo Cora. Sybbie needs a new mum, after all. Look at how much Mary and Edith enjoy me already; they'd probably love me as their new daddy.

Carson and Mrs. Hughes

Listen, Carson. You need to stop pinching my bottom and commenting on my "sultry walk" in front of the help. They're going to finally catch on to our four-year romance, and then all of the heat will be gone. Is that what you want? That's what I thought. Now go and ready yourself in your room; I'll be in with the whipped cream in five minutes.

And there you have it, folks. The Downton Abbey fan fiction that never needed to be made, and that should probably be destroyed.

Images: Downton Abbey/PBS; downtonabbey_official/Instagram (4)