Never Say These 11 Things to a 'Housewives' Fan

When it comes to my TV viewing habits, I used to feel a tinge of embarrassment when people judged me for being a die-hard fan of The Real Housewives franchise. I would try in vain to explain myself, but the puzzled, dismissive and disgusted facial expressions persisted, mostly from people who couldn't (and still can't) reconcile the fact that somehow an educated, intelligent woman who doesn't really devote much time to superficial things in life still becomes engulfed by the staged theatrics of all the Real Housewives, regardless of location.

Dedicated Real Housewives fans have been there since the humble beginning when Lauri Peterson from the original Orange County crew coped with life outside the gates and made ends meet by working for none other than Vicki Gunvalson. Remember those first reunions where they all wore jeans and those silky tops with glittery pendants in the middle? Oh, those were the days of innocence, until real life issues gave way to dramatic schemes driven by the hand of ratings-hungry producers. The show spread like wildfire, encompassing cities all across the U.S. And if you're as big of a Housewives fan as you claim to be, you sat through every dreadful episode of the ill-fated Washington, DC series. And even though the parody Hotwives of Orlando exposes Housewives for its absurdity, it still won't make you stop watching the original. Housewives hasn't been without its blunders, but haters should still take note.

Under no circumstances, should you ever, ever say the following to a Real Housewives fan.

"THESE SHOWS ARE SO FAKE"

We knowwww!!! Are you just now catching on to that? Now be gone—I've been waiting to see this fight since last week's previews.

"WHY ARE THEY ALL SO DRAMATIC? UGH..."

Seriously, shut up. We don't need to deal with your drama. Besides, there's plenty of it on any given episode of Housewives which makes up for the fact that I live an empty shell of a life and prefer to get my blood boiling over other people's arguments. Capiche?

" I DON'T GET WHY WOULD ANYONE WATCH TRASH LIKE THIS"

Tuh! And at this rate, you never will! Any Housewives fan can tell you that there's a thin line between loving and hating these shows. We can hardly stand to watch them, but yet, we continue. We don't know why, OK?!?

"IT'S CALLED 'REAL HOUSEWIVES,' SO WHY IS SHE EVEN ON THIS SHOW?"

See, what had happened was, she used to be married to some famous guy and she just recently divorced another guy who wasn't quite famous but still had a ton of money. Make sense?

"IF THEY DON'T LIKE HER, WHY DO THEY KEEP INVITING HER PLACES?"

See response #2. I've yelled this at the TV more than once, but that doesn't mean I expect a logical response or for the flow of things to change. Season after season, 'wives have and will continue to attack one another during fake-friendly gatherings.

"I'LL BE GLAD WHEN SHOWS LIKE THESE ARE NO LONGER ON TV"

Ha! Don't hold your breath...

"THEY'RE A DISGRACE TO WOMEN EVERYWHERE"

Actually, they aren't. Sure some of them make really awful music, and engage in fairly uncouth behavior, but they're only a small portion of the world's total number of women so it's totally not fair to make such a huge generalization.

"DO THEY REALLY NEED THREE-PART REUNIONS?"

Like, the fact that you would even ask this question is truly mind-boggling.

"I THOUGHT YOU SAID YOU WERE DONE WITH THESE SHOWS?"

SIGH. This is always true, yet simultaneously never true. If you watched, you'd understand that.

YOU KNOW THEY PROBABLY DON'T REALLY LIVE IN THOSE MANSIONS, RIGHT?

First of all, there is no concrete evidence of that, making this blanket statement null and void. Secondly, why are Real Housewives haters hellbound and determined to prove this? Let the real fans wait and be shocked when some other outlet reports it, thankyouverymuch.

"SHOWS LIKE THESE ARE WHAT'S WRONG WITH OUR SOCIETY"

Really. Really?!?! Are you seriously going to blame every societal shortcoming on a reality show that you a) claim is fake, b) refuse to watch and c) clearly don't understand or appreciate? Listen, we Real Housewives fans have no time for your high and mighty lectures. If you don't like the show, it's your problem.

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