Marvel Needs to Step Up Their Merch Game

If there's one thing that Marvel is baller at — and there are many things, but if I had to pick just one thing — it would be branding. You know it. Marvel characters are everywhere. You've seen people wearing Avengers shirts, and you've definitely seen a Hulk action figure in your day. With Guardians of the Galax y slaying the box office and seizing the cinematic day with its general awesomeness, it's become quite a brand in and of itself, especially with its very distinct characters. One character in particular, Baby Groot, makes only a small appearance at the end of the movie but has become so popular, fans have been making humble pleas on the Internet for Marvel to create a Baby Groot toy. (For now, this dancing GIF of Baby Groot should hopefully suffice.)

And of course, Marvel should make a Baby Groot toy, or at least a Baby Groot dancing bobblehead desk fixture for any adult who feels uncomfortable saying that he or she bought a "toy." It's easy marketing and an easy way to get those dolla-dolla bills rollin' in, not that that Marvel needs to make any more money, but c'mon — branding!

With the Baby Groot idea in mind, Marvel should go balls to the walls with their Guardians of the Galaxy merchandise. Since this movie is quirky and unique, the film should have its own line of products to go along with it, to help it rake in even more dough. I mean, sure, you can have your Chris Pratt as Star-Lord T-shirt cake and eat it, too, but why not douse yourself in green makeup and call yourself Gamora? (More on that later.)

So! Here are some humble plebeian suggestions for GotG merchandise. I may not be a branding expert, but I sure do like buying things on Amazon ... if ya know what I mean, wink wink.

Dancing Baby Groot Toy

One of the best moments in GotG is undoubtedly when Baby Groot dances to The Jackson 5's "I Want You Back." It seems only natural to have a toy Baby Groot in a pot that dances to "I Want You Back" when you press a button. As suggested earlier, this could also come in the form of a bobblehead. Basically, it's merchandise gold.

Zoe Saldana-Themed Exercise Class

I don't know about the rest of y'all, but when I walked out of GotG, I was like, "When I grow up, I would like to kick ass like Zoe Saldana." A Saldana-themed exercise class would be pretty sweet, wouldn't it? Basically, it would be a fight training class for women, in the same vein of how The Hunger Games spawned a series of exercise classes. This is how you brand and kick ass at the same time.

A Makeup Line

With Halloween just a few months away, you know that people are going to want to dress up as The Guardians, covering themselves in various colors and well, branches, if they're going as Groot. Why not have a GotG makeup line? And if we're looking at marketing ideas for makeup beyond the realm of cosplay, it seems like the perfect opportunity for Marvel to team up with MAC for a Guardians-inspired line, featuring bright green and blue lipsticks and eyeshadows. BOOM. I'd buy that.

Star-Lord's Awesome Mixes

Pratt's character listens to some pretty sweet old school music throughout the movie — on a cassette tape via a Walkman, no less. Sure, this pretty much constitutes the GotG soundtrack, but why not just sell "Star-Lord's Awesome Mixes" (Volumes 1 and 2, of course) on cassette tapes? I know, I know, cassette tapes are archaic pains in the asses to listen to, but hear me out — this might be a nostalgic way to bring back that vintage form of audio. And besides, people would buy that. It's memorabilia.

Talking Rocket Raccoons

I think this one sort of goes without saying (and I'm sure Marvel is on this already), but a stuffed Rocket Raccoon that says some of his crass lines when you squeeze him? Nothing says "Christmas gift" like a toy that advises you to steal someone's prosthetic leg. Grandparents, be advised — press the button to see what a stuffed Rocket says before you purchase one for your 5-year-old grandkid.

DIY Plant Your Own Groots

Also known as "gardening." Gardening — with a Marvel twist!

Personal Space Ships

This might get pricey, but hello, best vehicle ever. A Guardians-mobile? A car with wings? Or something? Greased Lightning just shat its automatic-systematic on-wheels pants because that car has nothin' on a Guardians-mobile. I'm not even sure how this would work, but Marvel knows how to work some magic. Or if all else fails, toy space ships. Obviously.

Images: Marvel (4); Giphy (2)