The '90s was a great and mighty decade, but it was also a deeply mystifying time. Where did we think our wallets were going to run off to if we didn't chain them down? How did Family Matters run for nine — count them, nine! — seasons? What were those six months with all the swing music about? Even with a decade and a half of removal from the scene of the crime, we remain lost and confused when examining some of that era's trends, like a toddler stuck inside a JNCO pant-leg.One of the most inexplicable trends to take hold in a decade full of inexplicable trends was the fake band. Perhaps it was because of the media feeding frenzy around grunge and indie rock, the widespread acceptance of funny band names, or the early and influential popularity of Saved By the Bell 's Zack Attack, but the '90s were absolutely lousy with fake bands — on TV, at the movies, and in your heart.
Some of these fake bands even began to blur the line between fantasy and reality, with one band taking it so far that they even toured with noted fellow former TV starlet Britney Spears. But even though all of these fake bands have been fake-broken up for more than a real decade, they still occupy a more important place in our memories than a lot of real bands from the '90s (sorry, Eve6). So, without further ado, let's remember our favorite fictional bands of the '90s. We'll always be pretend hot for you.
FROZEN EMBRYOS
As seen on: My So-Called Life (1994-5)
Once fronted by the ever-mysterious Tino, Frozen Embryos later recruited Rayanne as their lead singer — an experience which led to her subsequent nervous breakdown and a relapse to her troubled, boozing ways.
LOVE BURGER
As seen in: Can't Hardly Wait (1998)
Though Breckin Meyer and Donald Faison's party band never quite plays a note in this film, the two actors are the hardest working men in the fake band business — both of them also showed up as members of faux boy band Du Jour in 2001's Josie and the Pussycats.
MYSTIK SPIRAL
As seen on: Daria (1997-2001)
Trent Lane was the most genuinely sexually appealing male cartoon character to have ever existed, and this is a safe space for us to discuss that.
DINGOES ATE MY BABY
As seen in: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1997-2003)
If there is a man who is the living embodiment of the '90s, it is Seth Green, whose ultra-laid-back werewolf character on Buffy also played guitar in one of many bands that were always showing up at the Bronze (let us not remark upon the fact that the idea of high schoolers spending every school night at a bar is way more of a reality stretch than the idea of high schoolers spending every school night stabbing vampires).
WAYNOWAY
As seen on: Friends (1994-2004)
Ross and Chandler's new wave band — the minds behind unforgettable hits like "She Feels Weird Since I've Been Gone" — re-formed (but never played) in an attempt to woo Ellen Pompeo at their college reunion.
HEY THAT'S MY BIKE
As seen in: Reality Bites (1994)
Really, Ethan? That much angst over playing in a Violent Femmes cover band? And, from all appearances, not even a very good Violent Femmes cover band?
CITIZEN DICK
As seen in: Singles (1992)
One of the few fake bands filled with actual rock stars, the non-Matt Dillon members of Citizen Dick are Eddie Vedder, Jeff Ament, and Stone Gossard of Pearl Jam. But don't all of Pearl Jam's accomplishments pale in the face of Citizen Dick's "Touch Me I'm Dick"?
2GETHER
As seen on: the MTV TV movie and series 2Gether (1999-2001)
In a sort of fake-band-snake-eating-its-own-tail kind of thing, 2Gether were a fake boy band, created to highlight the fakeness of boy bands, who later became an actual boy band, opening for Britney Spears in 2000 — yup, all of them, even Doug, "The Older Brother" (Chris Farley's brother Kevin Farley, who was 35 at the time).
THE LONE RANGERS
As seen in: Airheads (1994)
Whether or not you've ever seen Airheads depends heavily on how much time you spent watching whatever was on Comedy Central in the late '90s, when it seemed to air roughly 37 times a day. Historically, the film remains most notable for its appearance by Steve Buscemi in a wig that appeared to be modeled on Jessica Biel's hair from 7th Heaven.
CRUCIAL TAUNT
As seen in: Wayne's World (1992)
Crucial Taunt was ahead of its time in being both a female-led metal band and a female-led fake band, even if they weren't actually all that good. They didn't have time to sound good, OK? They were pioneers!
DEATH LURKS/GRIVO
As seen in: Kids in the Hall: Brain Candy (1996)
This heavy metal grunter-turned-psychedelic Brady Bunch hallucination was supposedly based on Glenn Danzig, who has not, to my knowledge, worn a coral-colored lace jumpsuit unzipped to the navel at any point. But maybe he should give it a shot? I could see it working.
REX MANNING
As seen in: Empire Records (1995)
For your personal reference: Rex Manning Day is April 8 (April 16 if you celebrate Orthodox Rex Manning Day).
JESSE AND THE RIPPERS
As seen on: Full House (1987-1995)
In another case of the fake band/real life divide becoming perilously thin, John Stamos was actually a member of the Beach Boys in real life, and has been, on and off, since the mid '80s.
THE BLOWHOLES
As seen on: The Adventures of Pete & Pete (1993-6)
Pete & Pete had its rock 'n' roll bonafides up front from day one (Michael Stipe played a creepy ice cream man in the show's very first episode), so it only stands to reason that the show would be behind one of the most perfect fake bands of the '90s, which featured real indie musician Syd Straw and created a really moving ode to getting songs stuck in your head.
Mission Control
As seen on: Freaks and Geeks (1999)
So, yes the '90s were practically over, but Jason Segel won us over forever.
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