Please Let These Shows Never Become "Retro MTV"

Do you ever feel like you're living in that Bowling for Soup song "1985?" Just like the subject asks himself "When did Mötley Crüe become classic rock?" I've found myself asking "When did The Hills become Retro MTV?" Seriously though, sometimes you hit an existential dead end that forces you to acknowledge the horrifyingly rapid passage of time. Seeing the TV shows that you watched religiously as an adolescent become "oldies" is one of them. Let me tell you guys... You've got a problem when the daytime marathons come around. Retro MTV is coming for your favorite show, and will make you feel ancient in the process.

Lately, MTV has taken to airing a whole lot of Jersey Shore on the weekends which worries me. I have a feeling that it's about to become "retro." Even more than Laguna Beach or The Hillsgetting the Retro MTV treatment, this move will make me feel like a dinosaur. Before you know it, I'll have grandkids who use devices with futuristic technology that confuses and frightens me.

There are plenty more shows that will inevitably move to Retro MTV and subsequently make you feel ancient. Once these MTV shows become "classic", it's time to purchase a life insurance policy.

16 and Pregnant

Luckily, this show is still running and thus can't be classified as retro just yet. But just like Jersey Shore, 16 and Pregnant premiered in 2009, putting it in the age danger zone by MTV's standards. However, if they plan to re-run Season 1, then... well, there's this to look forward to:

The City

Whitney Port's very own spinoff premiered in 2008, and lasted all the way until 2010, and even since then a whole lot has happened. Whitney has gotten engaged (not to Jay Lyon), Olivia has gotten married, and both gals have dropped any pretension of working at DVF. When the aughts-era City starts being old, it will be a very dark day.

Paris Hilton's My New BFF

Just like The City, Paris Hilton's very own platonic version of The Bachelorette show ran from 2008 to 2010. Sure, we're going on six years now since it first aired, but if we act like it never happened, maybe we'll never have to deal with the truth that it's actually been a while.

Making the Band 3

"Do — do you have a first aid kit handy?" Because my self-esteem will be damaged once this season of Making the Band is deemed old. Premiering in 2005 and ending in 2006, I spent hours at my friend's house watching interminable episodes of Diddy's musical competition show. I want to just keep that memory as a memory, and not a confirmation of my geriatric status.

A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila

Ahh! Remember Myspace celebrities? Remember the fact that Tila Tequila existed? Her romance competition show ran from 2007 to 2008. I'd be fine forgetting that if you are...

Jersey Shore

The MTV reality phenomenon premiered in 2009, lasted until 2012, and destroyed plenty of livers in its wake. To someone like me who watched Jersey Shore every week until it officially wasn't fun anymore, it feels like the corpse isn't even cold. I refuse to believe that the Shore Store gang is growing up, starting families, and leaving Seaside Heights forever. It will always feel like just yesterday when Angelina moved into the house with garbage bags and Snooki first got arrested.

Yup. Retro MTV, guys... Just one step behind TV Land.

Images: MTV; Giphy (6)