25 Questions the '50 Shades' Trailer Left Us With

The lightly steamy trailer for 50 Shades of Grey has finally hit the Internet and it's got everyone abuzz (or a'flutter) with excitement. Admittedly, the book itself did that when it came out in 2011, but seeing it all on what is soon to be the big screen causes a different kind of anticipation. Aside from all the various dirty jokes we can make to allude to the trailer, I have to admit that it's fascinating me for a completely different reason. The fact of the matter is, the 50 Shades of Grey trailer left me with way more questions unanswered than not.

While I can't exactly begrudge Universal Pictures UK the right to really wake us all up on a Thursday with a shirtless Jamie Dornan and Dakota Johnson in the role of the Luckiest Girl on Earth Right Now, the book to film adaptation still remains enough of a mystery that the trailer answers some questions and not others. A lot of the footage is recognizable as being scenes from the book come to life, but some of the other choices that the trailer made gave me pause. I'm sorry to be that person — okay, no I'm not — but I really have to ask.

Hey, 50 Shades of Grey...

• Does this movie actually have a plot? I mean, even Twilight had those vaguely evil vampires hanging around in the background biding their time until the last 30 minutes.
• Did you dress Ana Steele like Andrea Sachs from The Devil Wears Prada on purpose?

• Is this music supposed to sound like it would be equally at home in a horror movie?
• Is 50 Shades of Grey actually a romantic horror movie?
• How did you get Beyoncé on board with this?
• Did she volunteer or did you have to beg her?

• Exactly how much of this movie does Ana spend wearing nothing but a bed sheet?
• Why doesn't this trailer have MORE shirtless Christian?
• Is this the trailer for the explicit or for the non-explicit version of 50 Shades of Grey?
• Is it bad that I can't tell the difference?

• Why was Ana's face not appropriately horrified at the fact that Christian's feeling her up at a dinner table in front of people?
• Is this trailer trying to trick us into thinking Christian wears clothes more often than he actually does?
• Why were there so many shots of him taking off his shirt? Why doesn't he just keep it off?
• I'm genuinely curious at this point: exactly what is the difference between the explicit and non-explicit versions of 50 Shades of Grey?

• How am I supposed to feel about this trailer?
• Is there going to be another one between now and Valentine's Day 2015?
• What other footage can you possibly add to the other trailers? You kind of nailed it with this one. I am both terrified and intrigued.
• Is there going to be a version of this trailer that I feel comfortable watching with other people?

• About how long into the actual movie is it going to take me to stop wishing I had my own Christian Grey?
• Are the trailers ever going to raise the consent and abuse issues present in Christian and Ana's relationship?
• Is the movie going to properly address these issues in a way that satisfies critics of 50 Shades of Grey?
• Are you even going to try and present a more accurate representation of the BDSM community than the book did?

• Do you have any suggestions on how exactly I'm going to convince my friends to watch this with me?
• Are you aware that you've ruined my Thursday morning by making me watch this trailer so many times?
• That Beyoncé single is going to come out separately from the movie soundtrack so I can buy one without the other, right? ...right?

Watch the first trailer below!

Image: Rebloggy (3); fchelpers/Tumblr; thegiflibrary/Tumblr