A New Way to Up Your Tinder Success Rate

I'd never have considered Tinder a difficult service to use: you find a few moderately attractive Facebook pictures, type up a bio that doesn't sound too sketchy, make a few matches, and are then off on your merry, flirtatious way. But if that sounds like a daunting task for you, never fear: TinderUs consulting service has arrived. The service will pair you with a Tinder consultant who will help you pick photos and select from an arsenal of digital come-ons — for $50 a session.

The consultation service promises to step up your Tinder game, big-time. It's the brainchild of an anonymous Londoner, who created the service after asking his "fashion friends" to help out friends who couldn't nab a Tinder date. Those date-less friends apparently transformed into Tinder lotharios shortly thereafter. According to TinderUs' website, an employee will help you "pick your best five photos from Facebook, choose your main image (most important), curate your profile tagline, give you ideas and advice on opening lines, [and] give you expert advice on flirting and what to say in a conversation." And all this over Facebook chat, apparently.

This poor sap could probably benefit from a session with TinderUs.

Ashley over at Gizmodo decided to try out TinderUs to see what all the buzz was about. She worked with Rhyanna, a "Tinder coach," in order to come up with a striking package of pictures and words. Some tips from Rhyanna:

• Don't include knock-knock jokes in your bio.
• Use "happy, social" photos that show you in a low-key setting, not boozing it up.
• Include conversation tidbits in your bio, such as shows or bands you like.
• Keep it casual.

Instead of walking away from the experience with a humorous story, what she got was a sense of melancholy:

"At this point any humor I'd found in TinderUs was overtaken by a creeping sense of dread. Real-life dating coaches are one thing, understandable even. Working up the confidence to talk to strangers in public can be difficult! But Tinder itself is already a crutch, making TinderUs a crutch to the crutch — and god knows where that ends."

Which is, all things considered, hella depressing. Although I can see how TinderUs would be a boon to those with social anxiety, Tinder might not the best kind of hurdle to jump for those cases in the first place. For other situations, I have to wonder: why? Tinder is a service that requires the least possible input of any dating service I know of. Sites like Match.com or OkCupid require you to include all kinds of details, from your religious leanings to your feelings on politics and love. All you have to do on Tinder is choose a few photos, which takes about five seconds, tops. What does it say about us that we'd need someone else to hold our hands with that?

...I guess I shouldn't be surprised.

Images: TinderUs/Twitter; Tinder Surprise/Facebook (2)