What Does One Do With All Of This Newfound Wealth?

As a mea culpa for the game krapping out last week, Kim Kardashian: Hollywood boosted everyone's K star count Monday afternoon. It was exhilarating: One second, the Kim K. character was apologizing to me over the phone for the crash, and the next, I was sitting on 28 K stars. 28. It all happened so fast, but I will never forget July 21, 2014, aka Khristmas in July.

K stars are the rarest KK: H treasure to come by, and I never imagined I'd have more than 15 in the bank. What does one do with 28 K stars?

Up until that phone call, I’d spent a few here and there, but I’d been doing my best to save as many as I could. You know, for KK:H emergencies. No idea what constitutes a KK: H emergency, but I figured there'd be SOMETHING I was supposed to save the K stars for. A monster could crop up, demand all of my K stars, and say, "THIS is why you hoarded these things like a squirrel prepping for winter. Way to be responsible. Congratulations. You've beaten the entire game."

You could say I was rather konservative with the K stars.

But that changed Monday afternoon. I was drunk on my sudden K star wealth. I didn't want to save. I wanted to stimulate the KK: H ekonomy. I wouldn't blow the K stars on lightning bolts (I'd rather kollect 'em the old fashioned way). I wanted to go SHOPPING. I wanted to buy something awesome and/or stupid.

But what would I buy?

A NEW HAIRDO?

COST: 30-100 K stars (While shopping for hair, I realized I was not as K star rich as I thought: I was two K stars short of being able to afford the cheapest K star hairdos.)PRO: It’s always fun to change up your coif. CON: Eh, 30+ K stars and a new hairstyle? All of it sounds like a big commitment.

CRAZY PANTS?

COST: 20 K starsPRO: Uh, those pants are crazy.CON: Wait. Are those leggings? I refuse to spend 20 K stars on snag-prone leggings. Doesn't seem cost-effective.

A LEATHER SKIRT?

COST: 20 K starsPRO: So versatile!CON: Wearing a leather skirt in the middle of summer is some kind of hell.

A LETTERMAN JACKET DRESS?

COST: 120 K starsPRO: Irrelevant. I’ll never be able to afford this.CON: Irrelevant. I’ll never be able to afford this.

THIS JACKET THING?

COST: 20 K starsPRO: I like the black and white color blocking.CON: That peekaboo bellybutton cut? No thanks.

POLKADOT SHOES?

COST: 20 K starsPRO: The color is cool.CON: If I'm going to dump K stars on a pair of shoes, those shoes better be pure fire. I'm not so certain the polkadot shoes are pure fire.

A NOSE RING?

COST: 25 K starsPRO: Nose rings are cool.CON: I can’t see the nose ring. If I buy this, how do I know the game actually sold me a nose ring and didn't just swindle me out of 25 K stars?

A FUR COLLAR?

COST: 40 K starsPRO: GLAMOUR.CON: N/A. This thing is perfect. Goes with everything. I really should save up for it.

A STRIPED BAG?

COST: 20 K starsPRO: Oo, a roomy tote. Who doesn't love a roomy tote?CON: Upon further inspection, it looks like a beach bag. Hard pass.

A LEOPARD PRINT DRESS?

COST: 40 K starsPRO: As far as gowns go, this looks comfy.CON: I can't afford it yet.

PINK HAIR?

COST: 10 K starsPRO: Thanks to P!nk and Gwen Stefani, I’ve always wanted hair this color. I could live vicariously through my avatar and leave my IRL hair alone.CON: The color might clash with some of my avatar's outfits.

A CUFF?

COST: 25 K starsPRO: Chill accessory, bro.CON: It's a little too chill. Like I said before, I want something that is both awesome and/or stupid. This cuff is neither awesome enough nor stupid enough.

CHARLI THE CAT?

COST: 20 K starsPRO: CAAAAAAAT!CON: N/A

A DOG?

COST: 20 K starsPRO: DOGGGGGG!CON: N/A

I decided I'd buy a cat or a dog. It was settled.

Until I saw this, that is:

A TELESCOPE?

COST: 10 K starsPRO: Wait, what?CON: Wait, what?

Sorry, Charli. Sorry, dog. I couldn't help myself:

I bought the telescope. It just felt right.

Images: Kim Kardashian: Hollywood [16]