What Would The Larry Spinoff Be Like?

Larry haters, listen up! Jason Biggs has joked that a Larry spinoff would be amazing , perhaps in part thanks to all of your incessant loathing. Okay, okay — there's not really a Larry spinoff happening (yet...), but a whole lot of Larry is circulating on the Internet. The real-life Larry, Larry Smith, a successful writer and editor upon which Biggs' character on Orange Is The New Black is based, has taken to the Internet in light of OITNB's success and popularity. He's written a full essay about what it's like being the real-life Larry, but he also sat down for a really juicy conversation with Biggs, which is how he got that joke about a Larry spinoff started. Here's what happened in that part of the conversation:

Larry: How long do you think Orange Is the New Black will go on?

Jason: Let’s think about it realistically. In terms of the way they have spaced it out so far, the first season took place over a few months. And I think the same for this season; maybe less time, actually, in Season 2. So maybe this is like a month or two. The truth is, they could stretch this thing for a long time. And they could even switch the protagonist. Jenji’s not afraid to do it. And the diversity of the cast is part of the reason the show is such a big hit.

Larry: The Larry spinoff is going to be awesome.

Jason: It’s going to be amazing.

It would definitely be amazing, considering all of the "fuck you, Larry memes" it would inspire. While, of course, a spinoff about Taystee, Morello, Poussey, or one of the other inmates would potentially be more interesting than an entire show about the douchey Larry, let's still use our imaginations for a bit.

What would a Larry spinoff look like? Orange Is The New Bloom, right?

It Would Be A Journalism Series

Err'body loves a newsroom drama (and old typewriters!!). Larry's a journalist, so let's see what he's like in a high-stress newsroom environment. And since it's Netflix, let's make shout outs to another Netflix-born journalist, Zoe Barnes (RIP).

There Would Be Lots of Young Larry Flashbacks

Perhaps he was a big fan of apple pie...

There Would Be A Lot of Organic Produce

It's what a "Park Slope narcissist" eats, right? Gotta love those sweet, sweet-ass organic blueberries.

There Would Be A Lot of Stealthy Mad Men Watching

He watched it without Piper. He's not sorry.

There would only be tiny references and allusions to Piper

She's moved on, y'know? She's cool with it. Prison made her tough. She's not dwelling on Larry in his spinoff!

Larry gets Baptized and decides to become a new man to start over after Piper

Larry abandons his Judaism and his soup-devouring skills and has a fresh new start. Pennsatucky is so proud.

Larry & Cal: The Sitcom!

Starring Cal's deep thoughts.

Or It would potentially start after he and Polly are married with kids, and the kids dig up some of his old stories about Piper

How I Met Your Convict Not-Mother

It would be about an insufferable man dealing with Internet hate

One man must overcome a lifetime of "Fuck you, Larry..." and so begins his journey...

Images: Giphy (8); biggsjason/Instagram (3)