Worst Cable Customer Rep Ever? Yup

If you live in the good, old U.S. of A., then you know that our cable/Internet companies are the devil. They'll sweetly shake hands with you when you install their product, but as soon as you decide to end the agreement, they will take you to hell and back. Which is exactly what one poor soul learned when trying to cancel his Comcast service. Ryan Block decided to tape part of his conversation with the Comcast representative, and the eight-minute recording will make your blood boil.

Comcast may be known as the nation's largest cable company and fastest Internet service provider (even though the company only got an average of 1.2 out of 5 stars on Google reviews), but Block and his wife decided to switch Internet and cable providers, and it doesn't matter what their reason is — that's the moral of the story here. But like a petulant child, the "customer retention" (the department that deals with cancellations) representative asked Block and his wife repeatedly why they were canceling, unsatisfied with any of their answers and not allowing them to move forward with the cancellation.

It really makes you wonder what the screening process is like for hiring these customer retention reps. Do the applicants have to exhibit an overbearing nature, a steely tolerance for rejection, the inability to take "no" for an answer, and an utter disregard for other human beings? Can you imagine if the Gap had a customer retention department and every time you wanted to return a sweater, a really pushy girl asked you repeatedly to explain why you didn't want to keep their high-quality product? "Why don't you want something that totally brings out the green in your eyes from one of the biggest clothing chains in the world?"

That's essentially what the Comcast representative did to Block and his wife. The rep gets even more worked up over the cancellation while Block remains relatively calm — the man practically deserves sainthood after this. And the scariest part of this story? The eight-minute recording was less than half of the whole conversation. Block started recording 10 minutes into the call, after his wife spent what felt like an eternity trying to cancel and had her spirit broken by the rep's incessant pressuring. Brace yourself, because we've rounded up 15 of the most frustrating exchanges between an innocent man and the Comcast rep from hell.

1. "Being that we are the No. 1 provider of Internet and TV service in the entire country, why is it that you're not wanting to have the No. 1–rated Internet service and No. 1–rated TV service available?"
2. "Okay. [Pause] I mean. [Sighs with audible frustration] I'm just trying to figure out here what it is about Comcast service that you're not liking." (Block answers in so many words, "This phone call, basically.")
3. "I'm trying to help you. You're not helping by declining answers."
4. When Block says, "You can help me by disconnecting my service," the rep says, "But how is that helping you?"
5. When Block answers, "Because that's what I want," the rep asks, "But why is that what you want?" Omg.
6. Like a therapist, the rep dissects the Blocks' history, "You've been with us since 2005 — nine years you've been a Comcast customer... Clearly the service was working great for you, you weren't having any problems... You've kept the service in multiple addresses. Now all of a sudden you're moving and something's making you want to change. What's making you want to change that?"
7. After Block tells him it's none of his business, the rep says, "If we don't know why our customers are leaving, how are we supposed to make it a better experience for you next time?" Oh, the irony.
8. "So you're not interested in the fastest Internet in the country?"
9. At this point, Block is resorting to following his repeated question of "Can you disconnect our service" with "Yes or no?" The rep does not take the bait.
10. When the rep fishes for more information about the company the Blocks are switching to, he hilariously answers, "I don't know. It's a totally arbitrary decision."
11. When Block asks if he's being punked, the rep says, "I'm trying to help our company be better. That's my job."
12. "You're not going to get the 100,000 free on-demand titles. You're not gonna get 105 megabits per second for your Internet... No one else can guarantee speed like we can." It's starting to sound like a breakup.
13. "I can save you more than $100 per month!"
14. After literally more than 15 minutes of trying to get the guy to cancel, the rep gets fed up (he gets fed up) and suddenly says that the service has been canceled.
15. When Block asks for a confirmation number, the rep says he doesn't have one and that he'll get a final statement in three weeks.

Deep. Breath.