This Real Housewife Got Too Turnt Up

Get the pinot ready and head for the hills, because it’s turtle time. It's turtle time everywhere Ramona Singer goes, by golly! According to Page Six, Real Housewives of New York star Ramona Singer attended a party in Bridgehampton on Saturday, got a bit too turnt up, and misplaced her phone. Full disclosure, it happens to all of us. When you’re high on summertime and malt beverages, the last thing on your mind is keeping track of your accessories. Same goes for Ramona Singer, the queen of eyeball-popping and horrible apologies. See? Stars really are just like us.

The American Heart Association hosted their 18th Heart Ball, to which Singer showed up with her formerly estranged husband Mario Singer. Witnesses say that Ramona was “dancing provocatively all over her husband” in a full-length gold gown. I can’t say that I'm not impressed, because if prom teaches you anything, it's that it is a feat to grind in evening wear. As for all the fancy ladies, they indubitably dropped their opera glasses in shock at the sight of this impertinence.

After some time, Singer noticed that her phone had been jacked from her purse which was sitting on a nearby table. She reportedly became hysterical, shrieking at the event staff that her phone was lost. I can easily say that if Ramona had the battalion of interns that Sonja Morgan has, this never would have happened. Not only do interns watch your stuff, they get you wine! They probably even make apologies for you.

As of Monday, there was still no word on the whereabouts of Ra-phone-a. (We can all agree that this is her cellular device’s name, right? If it’s not, then it damn well should be.) While the housewife emeritus really has a knack for turning even the classiest bash into a frat party — SO MANY RUINED FASHION SHOWS! — we know how violating it feels to have your cell phone stolen. It’s especially jarring when your mental faculties are so compromised that you have no idea how to mitigate the issue. Hey, we’re all human! Sometimes, humans are just too drunk to remember that "Find My iPhone" exists.

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