Andi Needs More Glamorous Dates

Someone needs to give Andi Dorfman some money, stat. If you've been watching this season of The Bachelorette, you may have gotten a sense that something was a little... off. And, no, it wasn't just that Andi doesn't seem to like any of the contestants that much. The difference is that Andi's season of The Bachelorette is low budget, or at least it appears to be as compared to Juan Pablo Galavis' season of The Bachelor. Where are the exotic beaches? The trips halfway around the world that make the contestants have jet lag rage? The yachts?! Where the eff are the yachts?! On the amazing Right Reasons podcast for the Grantland network, lovable, tell-it-like-it-is hosts Juliet Litman and David Jacoby pointed out that Andi's season seemed to lack the funds compared to J.P.'s, so I decided to take a closer look and break it down.

Because, seriously, Juan Pablo was on a yacht all the freakin' time. And when he wasn't, he was taking one of the women in some sort of vehicle that turned into another type of vehicle (a car that becomes a speed boat!). And when he wasn't doing that, he was offending people which is why we like Andi so much and why she needs some damn money and fancier trips! Homegirl is going to Brussels this week. Um... was Paris busy? How is Andi supposed to find love when she has to cut corners?

It seems that The Bachelorette, at least this go round, has a smaller budget than The Bachelor and that doesn't make any sense. Regardless of whether the show is led by a man or a woman, we want to see envy-inducing beaches and a shit ton of boats. If there's one thing this show is good for, it's making us go, "Whoa! I'd love to travel there but, you know, not with ten random dudes."

Let's take a look at Andi and Juan Pablo's seasons and see just how much Andi is being screwed over.

Destination Dates

Andi has been to Connecticut, Marseille, and Venice, and will head to Brussels on Monday's new episode. Juan Pablo, on the other hand, went to Seoul, Vietnam, New Zealand, and Miami. If we're looking at just the U.S. excursions here, obviously Miami is more exciting than Connecticut. As for the international trips, Andi stayed within Europe and the cities she visited were rather... meh. Would I turn down going to Venice? Hell no. But would I say, "Oh, really? Can we just go to Barcelona instead?" if told I was going to Brussels. Well, yeah. (No disrespect to Brussels.)

Group Dates

Andi

Week 4: Andi and her guys play basketball in Connecticut with WNBA players.

Week 5: Everyone learns to mime in Marseilles.

Week 6: Lie detector tests in Venice.

All of these are following by regular, boring cocktail parties.

Juan Pablo

Week 4: JP and the ladies perform with K-Pop group 2NE1 at a Seoul mall.

Week 5: Paddling boats in a river in Vietnam, visiting and working on a Vietnamese farm. At night: a pool party.

Week 6: Rolling down a hill in New Zealand in giant inflatable balls followed by a cocktail party at Hobbiton.

Why go to Venice for a lie detector test? You can do that anywhere! Bachelor Nation wants to see half-naked in shape people roll down hills in clear inflatable balls!

One-on-One Dates

Andi

Coolest one-on-one: Andi and Eric go to the beach and hang out in the sun, then take a helicopter ride to the mountains where they have a snowboarding lesson and drink hot chocolate. Sand AND snow in one day. It's totally unachievable for a regular person and therefore classic Bachelor/ette.

Lamest one-on-one: Andi and Brian watch a movie in a blatant attempt at cross-promotion and then go buy ingredients to cook dinner. The dinner doesn't turn out well and they go out for food at a normal, not-located-on-a-private-island restaurant.

Juan Pablo

Coolest one-on-one: Juan Pablo takes Cassandra for a ride in a car that TURNS INTO A BOAT (not to be confused with plane that lands on water, see above) and drives this to a huge yacht. Afterward, he cooks her dinner.

Lamest one-on-one: Juan Pablo and Clare go on a beach picnic and they have a horribly awkward conversation about The Ocean Sex.

I've said it once, I'll say it again: Where the eff are the yachts this season?

It goes without saying, that plane tickets to Asia and New Zealand are more expensive than to Europe, but even if you look past the money, Andi's destinations and activities are just less glamorous. Here's hoping that the show gets it together for the final few episodes. Oh, that's right, they're going to Brussels next. And then on hometown visits. And one of those will probably be to a farm in Iowa. Yeah, unless the Fantasy Suite is located in Caribbean paradise, Andi's screwed. (But it'll probably be at the Outer Banks. Blah.)

And if you're not listening to the Right Reasons podcast, you need to get on that. Asap.

Images: ABC; Giphy