Sorry, 'RHONY' — Montana Was a Bust

Watching Kristen have a crying orgasm on Tuesday night's Real Housewives of New York, I realized a few things. One, as much as I love Heather, she has got to stop being an athletic know-it-all. Watching her was like watching Marcia Brady whip her beautiful blonde hair around as an ego-wounded Jan coiffed her curly wig (the other Housewives being Jan, of course). Secondly, since I'm afraid of heights, there are fewer things more terrifying to me than walking backwards down a mountain. (In fact, the only thing more terrifying? Falling down said mountain and plummeting 200 feet into the rocky abyss below.) Regardless, I would rather have faced that fate than spend another moment watching the ladies on their horribly uneventful trip to Montana. I mean, is it beautiful? Yes, Montana's scenic views are positively enchanting. But exciting and television-worthy? Most definitely not. A whole segment on skeet shooting... SKEET SHOOTING?! Really?!

In fact, the only good part of the entire episode was counting how many times Ramona complained that it was scorching — whether she was indoors or out — and the fact that the nosy facialist was still causing controversy all the way across the country. Can she be a full-time cast member again? At least we know she won't take the girls to the middle of nowhere to get in tune with nature. These gals are city-oriented and are best served in a posh restaurant with a cocktail in hand. No more of this woodsy nonsense. It's basically unnerving to watch the Real Housewives out of their natural pampered habitat.

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