This Guy Should Win 'The Bachelorette'

There's no denying it: Being The Bachelorette is a pretty sweet gig. Honestly, what could be better than traveling the world on ABC's dime as many attractive and successful men fawn over you? It's practically a dream, and lucky, lucky Andi Dorfman gets to live it. But there's one thing I don't envy about Andi's job as The Bachelorette: All the decisions she has to make. It's already obvious that she hates sending anyone home at risk of hurting his feelings, and through everything, Andi's fighting really hard to keep her idea of what true fairytale love is alive and it looks like that fairytale lies with either Josh Murray or Nick Viall. (And those of us who follow Reality Steve have even more of an indication of that.)

But eventually, Andi's going to have to send all the guys home but one, and "knowing" Andi, many tears will be shed at that final rose ceremony. This isn't going to be an easy decision. And thanks to the many spoilers out there, it's pretty clear that Andi's front-runners are 33-year-old First Impression Rose winner Nick Viall and 29-year-old former pro athlete Josh Murray — and if a video leaked to Steve is to be trusted, we, the viewers, are put in kind of an awkward position.

Many of us already think Josh is the worst and in no way deserving of Andi's love, but since that video leaked, we feel like we should question Nick, too. Is he really the charming guy he presents himself to be on the show? Because that guy would never be caught badmouthing a competitor in public like that. Now, Andi's choice is a little less clear cut, and she shouldn't have to make that decision alone — which is where I come in. Should she pick Nick or Josh? Let me assist:

Pardon Our Superficiality

Josh and Nick are obviously both attractive — no question there. Josh is obviously in shape (being an athlete, and all) but his eyebrows make me think of Bert from Sesame Street every time I look at him. And as far as Nick's concerned? Any Neville Longbottom lookalike is a winner to me.

Point: Nick

Sure, But Can He Hold a Conversation?

Josh, I'm sorry to say, is kind of a douchebag. After needlessly starting that fight with Andrew Poole, my opinion of him has gone way downhill, and I'm just not impressed. Nick, on the other hand, is shy and self-deprecating, which are both super cute qualities... but if the Reality Steve video is real, I'm not sure I like that side of him. Conduct unbecoming, Viall! No points awarded this round.

Point: No One

Are They Career-focused?

This one's easy peasy. Not only was Josh a former pro baseball player — which is a really cool job that's probably given him tons of awesome life stories to share — but he's now a financial advisor, which means he's also capable of holding down a Big Boy Job, too.

Nick's a software sales executive, which is also stable and shows responsibility, but is kind of a snoozefest. I'm bored just thinking about it.

Point: Josh

But Ultimately, It's All About Compatibility

The only thing about Josh that makes me feel like he and Andi are suited to each other is the fact that they live in the same state — and that alone does not a marriage make.

Nick, however, is practically describing Andi in his ABC bio when he's asked about his ideal mate: "Someone who's confident in herself and expects a lot but gives as much. Someone who wants to bring out the best in me."

Confident and giving with high standards? That's our Andi!

Point: Nick

#SocialMedia

This was the easiest category of them all. If you know how to present yourself on social media, you obviously know how to present yourself in real life. I've never met a person who employs all rules of grammar on Twitter who didn't also employ them in real life.

Nick does that — and he usually is good about punctuation and capitalization, too. Plus, he recently quoted Michael Scott from The Office , so I'm immediately sold. This man is good people.

Josh? He used #blessed in earnest. Doesn't he know it's now a sarcastic hashtag? I'm done here.

Point: Nick

And The Winner Should Be...

Nick: 3

Josh: 1

Andi, please choose Nick. And then get married, and have tons of attractive babies who will someday find love on a reality show and continue the tradition for generations to come.

Images: ABC; Giphy (5)