In case you haven't heard, two of the music industry's most hated men are collaborating. That's right, Chris Brown and Justin Bieber are working on a song together because clearly, they make wonderful decisions. But I guess at this point, their reputations really can't get any worse. I mean, Brown has had not one, but two, assault cases, and these days, Justin Bieber has already screwed up 10 times before you even wake up. At this point, a song together can't make things any worse.
As Bieber said when posting the photos of himself and Brown in the studio, this song is "for the fans." That's a pretty smart move. Both Bieber and Brown have followers who have blindly supported them through every scandal, so why wouldn't they support a new song?
But fortunately, the world is also full of slightly more discerning listeners. You know, the ones without "#bieberismyking" or "#chrisbrownislife" (yes, really) written in their Twitter handles. For those music fans, it's likely this song will join the ranks of these 14 other unfortunate match ups. (And yes, two of the songs feature Bieber and Brown already because they're also not very good at collaborations with other people, let alone each other.)
GWYNETH PALTROW AND MATTHEW MORRISON — "KISS" (2011)
Glee has done a lot of terrible performances in its time, but few beat Matthew Morrison and Gwyneth Paltrow's "Kiss."
JONAS BROTHERS AND COMMON — "DON'T CHARGE ME FOR THE CRIME" (2009)
I know the first thing I think of when someone says "Disney boy band" is "Hey, they should collaborate with a rapper!" If you want to listen to angsty Joe Jonas overlapped with out-of-place rap, this is the song for you.
EDDIE MURPHY AND MICHAEL JACKSON — "WHATZUPWITU" (1993)
I didn't know Eddie Murphy was a singer! Oh that's right, he's not. If you can make it through this acid trip gone bad version of a song, more power to you.
JYJ AND KANYE WEST — "AYYY GIRL" (2010)
Sorry, KPop & KWest is not a dream team.
RIHANNA AND CHRIS BROWN — "BIRTHDAY CAKE (REMIX)" (2012)
As if Rihanna and Chris Brown didn't already have enough bad history, they went and did this remix together which is, to say the least, uncomfortable.
TAYLOR SWIFT AND T-PAIN — "THUG STORY" (2009)
Some white girls can rap, but Taylor Swift is not one of them.
HILARY DUFF AND LIL ROMEO — "TELL ME A STORY" (2002)
No artist wants to be judges by their Christmas album (except maybe Kelly Clarkson), but you can't talk about painful collaborations without talking about Duff and Romeo's 2002 attempt.
NELLY AND TIM MCGRAW — "OVER AND OVER" (2004)
This collaboration sounds just as weird as you think it would be. Caution: it's also dangerously catchy.
OZZY OSBOURNE AND MISS PIGGY — "BORN TO BE WILD" (2005)
This is a minute and a half of Ozzy Osbourne singing while Miss Piggy interrupts every line with a comment like, "Yes, yes!" or "The frog can wait!" It's just weird.
WEEZER AND LIL WAYNE — "CAN'T STOP PARTYING" (2009)
It seems that 85 percent of collaborations are conducted simply because of a similarity in names. We've seen KPop/KWest and T-Pain/T-Swift, and now Wheezy and Weezer. A note to music execs: just because their names sound alike doesn't mean they should collaborate. The exception of course is Paul McCartney and Paul Rudd on tiny harmonicas.
LYNRYD SKYNYRD AND MIKE HUCKABEE — "SWEET HOME ALABAMA" (2008)
Remember when Republican presidential candidate Mike Huckabee told Lynryd Skynyrd they couldn't play unless they let him join in? Yeah, this was the result. If he looked this out of his depth on his own TV show, it's probably good that he didn't win the presidency. (P.S. Has someone told Huckabee that "Sweet Home Alabama" was originally used for Democrat Jimmy Carter's campaign song?)
JUSTIN BIEBER AND LUDACRIS — "ALL AROUND THE WORLD" (2012)
Gotta love a demonstration of all of Bieber's cult-like followers to the tune of a mediocre song.
EMINEM AND LIMP BIZKIT'S FRED DURST — "TURN ME LOOSE" (1999)
Left off Limp Bizkit's album for a very good reason: it's horrible.
LL COOL J AND BRAD PAISLEY — "ACCIDENTAL RACIST" (2013)
Any song with a title like that is bound to be terrible, and yet for some reason, Paisley and LL Cool J both went through with this travesty. The words are basically saying something along the lines of, "I'm not racist now, so why should we care that our ancestors were racist?"
It's invited comments like this: "I love this song because it made me, as a white person from Louisiana, realize that nothing my ancestors did was wrong and it was mostly black people's fault for inventing my white guilt. I am willing to accept your apology for starting the Civil War, black people."
Ugh. The worst. Let's hope Bieber and Brown at least do better than that.
