Buckle Up, Their Show Is Almost Here

The wait is almost over: LeAnn & Eddie premieres July 17. Why yes, that is the LeAnn Rimes/Eddie Cibrian reality show. And duh, I’m going to watch she shit out of it. I mean, I can't not watch it. I've heard too much about Cibrian on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and Vanderpump Rules. He's The Great Bravo Windstorm of the late '00s. He did his cheating thing, made a royal mess, moved on, and his exes are still picking up the pieces. So yeah, I'm curious. I want to see what this windstorm, er, guy is all about. Additionally, I've read too many of Rimes's tweets/followed too many of her Twitter battles. I'm invested.

VH1 shared a three-and-half minute sneak peek of the show, and that sneak peek includes: 1) Cibrian accidentally smacking Rimes’s head into a wall, 2) Rimes smacking Cibrian’s butt while they’re bowling, and 3) Cibrian and Rimes smack-talking Brandi Glanville, Cibrian’s ex-wife.

Glanville's response to the video? TBD. No tweets from Glanville as of yet. While we wait for her reply, here's a totally fake story I wrote about Glanville's reaction to the trailer:

Brandi Glanville Watches The LeAnn & Eddie Sneak Peek: A Fanfic

Brandi is in a coffee shop somewhere on the west side of Los Angeles. She's just watched the trailer for LeAnn & Eddie on her iPhone. She knows she shouldn't have watched it, but she couldn't help herself. She's only human.

She sits in silence for about seven minutes. She stares at a straw wrapper on the floor. Her vision starts to blur. She instinctively grabs her phone and opens up the Twitter app. She shakes her head, snaps out of her stupor, sets her phone down, and retrieves her day planner from her purse. She flips to the month of July. She rifles through her bag again and pulls out a black chisel tip Sharpie. She uncaps the marker and takes a deep breath. She starts at the top righthand corner of the “JULY 17” square and slowly moves the marker from left to right. Odorous ink pours out onto the page. She doesn’t stop until the square is entirely blacked out. Once she’s done, she sheathes the Sharpie and smiles at the amended calendar. She admires her work.

“Fuck their show,” she says to the barista refilling the half-and-half carafe. “And fuck that day. I’m sleeping through it.”

The barista runs back behind the espresso bar and retrieves something.

"Here," he says, handing Brandi a pumpkin and chocolate chip cookie. "This is for you."

"I thought you stopped selling these years ago," Brandi says, clutching the cookie with both hands. Her eyes are wide. "I've missed these so much."

"We make a limited batch every day," the barista says. He leans closer. "We save them for the customers who need them most."

Brandi's eyes well up with tears. "Thank you," she whispers. "I did need this."