Lester Probably Won't Win Husband of the Year

How dare Fargo end next Tuesday. How dare it. 90% of what I watch is pulpy reality TV goodness, sure, but I need that scripted drama 10%. First, I lose Mad Men for the summer, and now Fargo. What am I going to do? Am I going to have to find new scripted shows? I suppose this means I’m taking recommendations. Be warned: I won’t settle for whatever. Fargo’s shoes are fantastic, but the arches are high, the soles are narrow, and the toe boxes will pinch most. They won’t fit any old show comfortably. This is some Cinderella glass slipper shit. (Not to be confused with an in-between-the-mattress-and-the-box-spring shit.) (R.I.P. Linda Nygaard. Your husband is the worst.)

Last Tuesday, Lester Nygaard and Lorne Malvo, er, Mike the Denist, reunited. This Tuesday, Lorne Malvo/Mike the Dentist kills his fiancé (yes, someone actually accepted Lorne Malvo's proposal), coworker, and coworker’s wife in a Vegas hotel elevator. Lester witnesses the carnage. Lester doesn't stick around. He flees as fast as his Lester legs will take him.

“See you later, Lester," Lorne Malvo calls out. "See you soon.”

And with that, Lester’s new life is ruined. And you KNOW what he's thinking as he races away from the elevator crime scene: Why didn’t Lester 2.0 just hook up with the random lady in the bar instead? Why’d Lester 2.0 have to say anything to Lorne Malvo? Why didn't Lester 2.0 walk away when Lorne Malvo told him to walk away? Godammit, Lester 2.0. You're always Lester 2.0-ing. Why ya gotta fly so close to the sun?

Does Lester finally decide to turn himself in to Solverson? OF COURSE NOT. Lester and Linda are running away to Acapulco! Well, they’ve have to get their passports first. Where are the passports? Lester's insurance office. Womp womp.

We're almost positive Lorne Malvo's in the insurance office. Lester's almost postive Lorne Malvo is in the insurance office. So what does Lester do? Does he call Solverson? Does he attempt to reason with Lorne Malvo (LOLOLOL)? Does he think twice about picking up the passports in the middle of the night? No, no, and no. Instead, he waits in the car and SENDS LINDA IN BY HERSELF. LORNE MALVO SHOOTS LINDA IN THE HEAD. AND LESTER "WORST HUSBAND EVER" NYGAARD WATCHES FROM THE CAR. LESTER KILLED HIS FIRST WIFE AND SACRIFICES LINDA THE LAMB TO LORNE THE WOLF.

Hold up. Lorne The Wolf. Lorne wolf. Lone wolf. Hey, Lester? Next time you want to exact revenge on an old bully, think twice about teaming up with a lone wolf, okay?

Oh, and Lester? While we're here, could you also reconsider the whole "being a garbage monster" thing? Thanks, bye!

In non-tornado monster news: Agents Budge and Pepper are beyond impressed with Solverson's whiteboard spiderweb. Budge and Pepper are in Solverson's corner. This is fantastic. Oswalt undermines Solverson's work in front of Budge and Pepper, but Budge and Pepper tell Oswalt what's up: SOLVERSON IS THE DEAL. Solverson drops the mic (in her mind). Suck it, Oswalt. (Ugh, sorry, Oswalt. You mean well. You're just dumb.)

Solverson. Grimly. Lou Solverson (and yes, I was most definitely salivating over that tense and incredible diner scene with Lou and Lorne Malvo. Lou is his daughter's father). Greta. Budge. Pepper. Y'all are the Dream Team. Take down Mike the Dentist and Lester. But you might wanna hurry: Mike the Dentist might take out Lester first and disappear for forever.

Image: FX