Please imagine this 'Bachelorette' as an old lady

I'm sorry to report that the banner image there is not taken from this week's episode, and another trip to the strip club. If only! No, Sunday's "special" episode of the The Bachelorette offered none of the sensual, carnal delights on display (for viewers and suitors) last week. On display last night was a timekeeping early season episode in which Andi:

• Got the guys singing with her friends Boyz II Men
• Played a prank on Cody, convincing him she'd heard rumor that he was a dog
• Enjoyed two one-on-one dates with guys who will probably make it to just shy of hometowns
• Sent the opera singer home

(Bradley was no Sharleen, what can we say!)

All of the drama we're getting this week -- likely to do with Andy (or Andrew, or whatever moniker he's going by on the show) and the phone number he scored from a server after a group date -- comes Monday night, at our regularly scheduled hour. So what does that actually leave us to talk about?

OLD PEOPLE MAKEUP.

Now, the likelihood that anyone reading this has actually seen the latest Jackass movie, Bad Grandpa, is probably pretty slim, right? Most of you are women -- that's a safe assumption -- and probably not enamored of groinal injury jokes. Even I, a straight male in the 25-30 demographic, managed to miss it and have no intention to see it. (Not as any sort of protest or anything. It's just there's other stuff on Netflix.)

But something you may or may not know: Bad Grandpa was actually nominated for the Academy Award for Best Makeup and Hairstyling. And I have to imagine, on some level -- microscopic, even -- that accolade worked its way into the brain of a Bachelorette writer (you didn't think these dates were all Andi's idea, did you?!), onto the whiteboard, and eventually onto our television sets. Giving us, of course, one of the finest dates of this latest season. (And who knows, maybe the whole shebang. I haven't seen and will never see the earlier seasons, but this is the Internet. It runs on hyperbole.)

Let's cut right to the chase: Andi loved being done up like a 75+ year old woman and pretending, to everyone she and JJ met in the park, that she was having difficulty walking. This was a committed performance, everyone, the perfect marriage of actor and role. Without any shame, Andi approached casual park-goers and gave her best impression of an old lady. JJ did the same -- matching her in both posture and accent -- but it was Andi who clearly loved what she was doing.

The makeup was really good! Not the kind of Weta Workshop old lady makeup that, say, Heidi Klum wore to her latest Halloween party...but still damn good. Wrinkles just right. Hair that perfect level of American Gothic. Obviously the Bachelorette makeup department didn't go out of their way to make the woman look haggard -- they've got a show to sell -- but still, Andi made a credible octogenarian. Hats off to the wizards who put it together and to Andi, who made it all look effortless. More old people makeup for the rest of the season, please.

Image: ABC