Is Her Wine Better Than Bethenny's?

It's 3:18 a.m. You wake up in a cold sweat. A single thought races through your mind. Who makes better wine: Ramona Singer or Bethenny Frankel? You can't fall back asleep until you have an answer. You don't know why you are suddenly fixated on the former Real Housewives of New York City co-stars' boozy endeavors, but you are. Fear not! You don't have to go through all of the trouble of procuring bottles of fermented grape juice and conducting a taste test. Someone else has already judged their wines for you. The Daily Mail acquired an assortment of celebrity-endorsed wines, brought in a wine expert, and got to rating.

The contenders:

• Bethenny Frankel’s Skinnygirl Cabernet and Chardonnay
• Francis Ford Coppola’s Diamond Claret
• Ramona Singer’s Pinot Grigio and Sangiovese-Merlot
• B.B. King’s Red
• Star Trek’s Red

Okay. Before I get to the results, really let that motley crew soak in. It sounds like a bizarre joke where the setup is the punchline: “Bethenny Frankel, Francis Ford Coppola, Ramona Singer, B.B. King, and Star Trek walk into a bar…” And order wine? And stare at each other? And talk about Star Trek walking into a bar? And that's it?

The results:

1. Star Trek: 9/10
2. Coppola & King (tied): 8/10
3. Singer: 7/10 and 6/10 = 6.5/10
4. Frankel: 2/10 and 6/10 = 4/10

Congrats on your win, Star Trek. Drink on and prosper.

I must be honest: I thought there was a chance that the RHONY ladies could sweep the competition. Why? Uh... I don't know, really. It's what I felt in my gut. But I guess this is sort of like that time my gut was like, "get every gummy candy topping for your fro-yo!" and then I had a stomach ache for the rest of the evening.

There are very few people who appreciate wine (and get wine drunk) like any of the former and current New York Housewives, so I reckon I was holding onto that. Yeah, Singer's new to the wine makin' game, and no, her being a semi-pro Pinot Grigio drinker doesn't guarantee objectively perfect wine. But I believe in Turtle Time, ya know?

And Frankel? I really like Frankel. Always rooting for Frankel. As far as I know, people love Skinnygirl. So, that's what I was running with.

But the folks who conducted the The Daily Mail tasting did not love Frankel's Cabernet: It nabbed a 2/10 score. A 2/10. Woof. The description is fairly scathing: "It tasted thin, watered down and overly fruity, with virtually no detectable tannins to even out the raspberry accents."

I don't know what "tannins" are, but it sure sounds like the Cab could use more tannins. Frankel's tannins-deficient Cab dragged her average score down.

Both of Singer's wines fared better than Frankel's Cab (and Singer's Sangiovese-Merlot and Frankel's Chardonnay received the same score), but neither could edge out King's red or Coppola's Claret.

And so it is. According to The Great The Daily Mail Celebrity Wine Tasting of 2014 (unofficial title), Singer's wine > Frankel's wine. You know what that means?

Always.

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