Ridiculous Swimsuits That Cost More Than Your Rent

Okay, I confess: I'm super stoked for summer. And all these recent shopping guides aren't making the waiting any easier. Between one-piece swimsuits, retro swimsuits, wacky swimsuits, and swimsuits that'll give you weird tan lines, I'm pretty much fully stocked up on beachwear for the season.

All that shopping also made me remember that swimsuits can be one of the most ridiculously priced items at a store. At the risk of sounding like my mother, it's just one or two tiny pieces of fabric! Why does it cost more than a pair of jeans does at the same place! I was busy complaining about a $50 bikini, but, turns out, there are way pricier suits out there. Like, costs-more-than-my-NYC-rent pricey.

So, in celebration of summer and the joyous torture of looking at luxury items I might never be able to afford, here are 15 pieces of designer lycra, spandex, and other synthetic fabrics that are worth way more than it'll cost you to actually get to the beach — even if you have to fly to get to your vacay.

Do you think these are even meant to get wet? I very highly doubt it.

1. The "least expensive," but still expensive one-piece

Lisa Marie Fernandez Garance Maillot Swimsuit, $415, Matches Fashion

For its price, this suit better make me look like I just walked off the set of Baywatch.

2. The Little Black Bathing Suit

Emilio Pucci Cutout-Top Strappy One-Piece Swimsuit, $570, Bergdorf Goodman

Sleek will cost you a pretty penny.

3. The Swimsuit You Can't Get Wet

Oscar De La Renta Cutout Floral Jacquard-Jersey Swimsuit, $590, Net-A-Porter

Spring Break taught us the perils of white clothes and water.

4. The Label Lover

Gucci Bikini With Web Detail, $595, Gucci

If you're going to spend the money, you might as well let everyone know that you did.

5. The Embroidered Halter

Jets White Label Black Cut-Out Halterneck Swimsuit, $619, Harvey Nichols

Beautiful, but it'll cost you a few week's worth of groceries.

6. The One That's Actually Designed For Swimming

Jason Wu Paneled Swimsuit, $660, Net-A-Porter

This suit's fabric is designed to withstand chlorine, salt water, and sun. Is that a lifetime guarantee?

7. The One That's Reversible

Missoni One-Piece Lurex Patchwork Reversible Swimsuit, $685, Saks Fifth Avenue

It's like getting two swimsuits for the price of twenty!

8. The Tasseled One

Désir Clic Clac Two-Piece Swimsuit, $695, Hermes

Country club-approved.

9. The Sweater-Kini

Emilio Pucci Bikini, $765, The Corner

So sweater season isn't over?

10. The One That "Provides Minimal Coverage"

Roberto Cavalli One Piece Monokini Halter, $770, Everything But Water

Apparently less is more...expensive, that is.

11. The Vintage-Inspired Option

La Perla Mare Graphique Couture Swimsuit, $862, La Perla

Well, it's certainly pretty!

12. The Suit That's Made For Selfies

Tricja Bikini Bra + Brief, $990, Agent Provocateur

According to Agent Provacateur's website, this suit is "made for posing poolside."

13. The Suit of Armor

Alexandre Vauthier Bathing Suit With Metal Embellishment, $1,510, Style Bop

You know, for really intense matches of beach volleyball.

14. The Most Expensive Suit That'll Also Give You Bizarre Tan Lines

Herve Leger Inia Fringe Swimsuit, $1,639, Far Fetch

To be fair, this does look figure-flattering.

15. The Bikini That Costs More Than Your Rent

Le Silla Swarovslki & Lycra Triangle Bikini, $2,883, Luis Aviaroma

Must be some top-notch lycra, huh?