A Brief History of Baldwin Rage

Rein it in, Baldwin! Alec Baldwin was cuffed today in New York for "illegal biking," which we're now aware is a crime. Apparently, it's illegal to "salmon," aka ride your bike against traffic. The actor was arrested for riding without an I.D., which, even though it's Alec F*cking Baldwin, seems a little unfair. He seemed so sad and pathetic in his little visor and short shorts, just trying to soak up some New York sun. Perhaps it was that same sun that betrayed him? Blinded him? Led him astray? Maybe he's just trying to live a quiet life out of the public eye and mind his own business? NO! We mustn't sympathize with the beast, no matter how sad he looks in that visor. (Again, I mean... that visor.)

An onlooker at the scene reported that Baldwin slipped into his trademark belligerence and started screaming at and berating the officers. In honor of Baldwin's bike-cident, here are his three most infamous, most notorious, most absurd outbursts in the past few years that make us wonder, WTF is up with that guy?

1. Calling his tween daughter a pig.

Many years ago, when Baldwin was knee-deep in his divorce from actress Kim Basinger, he exploded in a voicemail (who even leaves voicemails, though) to his daughter, Ireland Baldwin, who at the time was the ripe old age of 11. Or was it 12? Baldwin didn't seem to know, and really, what father needs to concern himself with the age of his own kin? In April of 2011, Baldwin was banned from further contact with daughter Ireland after he left her a verbally abusive voicemail from New York while she was in Los Angeles with mother Basinger: "You are a rude, thoughtless little pig. You don't have the brains or the decency as a human being," Baldwin said. "You don't give a damn that you're 12 years old, or 11 years old, or that you're a child, or that your mother is a thoughtless pain in the ass who doesn't care about what you do as far as I'm concerned."

What reason could Ireland have possibly had to not answer the phone? Maybe homework, or painting her nails, or just being an 11 year old girl who's wary of her hot-tempered dad. Later, Baldwin said "I have a normal relationship with my daughter," which just confirms our suspicions that he occupies a plane of his own where normal is YELLING A LOT AT THE PEOPLE YOU LOVE!

2. No Fly Zone

Okay, none of us really buy that our cell phone signals will mess with the airplane. But we turn off our phones (or at least put them on airplane mode) when the flight attendants ask us to, because we're polite members of society, and their jobs are hard enough already. Not Baldy, though. In 2011 he took a stand for celebrities who deserve to play Words with Friends at all times, even at 30,000 feet. They're a group that don't get an adequate voice in the media, you know? Apparently, a flight attendant let everyone use their phones except poor Alec, who ran crying to the lavatory like a petulant child so he could finish his iPhone scrabble game. He even slammed the door. Beautiful melodrama! We can't say he's not a good actor.

3. A Never-Ending Story of Homophobia

In the fall of 2013, Baldwin let his true, ugly and intolerant colors shine, when he chased after photographer and paparazzo George Stark outside of his New York home and called him a "c*cksucking f*g." He later, of course, vehemently denied the claims on Twitter, trying to backpedal (oh my god! his bike riding is a metaphor!), and saying the word was actually "fathead." A very likely story, said no one. The implications? His MSNBC show was cancelled, and the incident was apparently so emotionally tolling for Baldwin that it was the impetus for him to very publicly retire from public life on the cover of New York Magazine.

Maybe it's time he takes his advice and, ahem, rides on out into the sunset?