While Prince William and Kate Middleton's dog Lupo was off getting a book deal (yes, really), Pippa Middleton was busy being fired. Poor undervalued baby sister of the Duchess of Cambridge was let go from her Daily Telegraph writing job because the readers just weren't that into her. A source at the paper told Us Weekly that "there was a lot of negative mail coming in after each column and there were too many off-limit subjects for her. They ran out of ideas."
It's probably not Pippa's fault she couldn't cover a wide array of subjects. It wouldn't do for the sister of a Royal to be out there covering Miley Cyrus' scandalous tour or anything. So instead Pippa was relegated to writing more mundane pieces like three different articles dedicated to oysters. But look, Pippa is a national treasure and the Daily Telegraph is going to miss out on these 6 things now that she's no longer on the payroll.
1. WRITING "PIPPA MIDDLETON" IN EVERY HEADLINE TO GET PEOPLE TO READ THEM
Clearly the youngest Middleton had some star power because the Telegraph trotted her name out there in every headline like "Pippa Middleton shucks oysters" and "Pippa Middleton takes to the trapeze."
2. CREATIVE TITLES
What's more fun that writing the titles for a royal column. My favorites are "Pippa Middleton, the crêped crusader" which they did for the article where Pippa made pancakes, and "Ping Pong Pippa" for when she learned how to battle it out in table tennis.
3. RIDICULOUS PHOTOS
Pippa is game for pretty much anything in a photo shoot. If you think I'm messing with you, I assure you I am not.
These photos are amazing and for them alone she should never have been fired.
4. PIPPA MUSINGS
Haven't you always wanted to know what goes on inside a Royal's head? Well unfortunately, they're not that open to the public. But Pippa's brain is all ours for the picking and she's had some really intriguing thoughts like, "Could I be a roller-skiing Olympian?" and "Are oysters really an aphrodisiac?" Instead of Googling the answers like anyone else, Pippa turned her questions into articles for all of us to enjoy. Curious if Pippa ended up realizing her Olympic dreams? Well she certainly didn't shut them down, and ended her article saying, "Britain has yet to win a medal for this Olympic sport... so who knows?" You go, Pip!
5. YUMMY RECIPES
Want to know how the Royals eat? Scroll through Pippa's recipe collection to find out. Inside you'll learn about her favorite mascarpone and rocket penne, Morello cherry Bakewell tart, and pecan and maple buttercream biscuits. In all seriousness I want to eat all of these right now.
6. HER CHEERFUL TONE
Look, the world isn't a very happy place, or at least it's not when portrayed by the news. It was nice that people could have a place to go to and see just how happy Pippa was about life. Be it the time it was a "bliss [for her] to be up early for a flower market" or the time she learned "the thrills and frills of flamenco."
Perhaps Pippa's articles weren't always particularly useful, but she's sweet, if a little naive, and you can tell she means well. But while the Daily Telegraph couldn't see the hit they had on their hands, we can still enjoy the writing styles of Pippa Middleton in her Vanity Fair column where she talks about how to enjoy watching cricket (finally) and guides us through Royal Ascot Week. If all else fails though, maybe she can hop in on this Lupo the dog children's book thing.
Images: wifflegif; uberpong; guyism; theianfshow
