'The Good Wife's Peter Florrick Is the Worst

Sunday night’s new episode of The Good Wife, “The One Percent,” was all about the complicated game of jury selection. Well, it was about the complicated game of jury selection AND showing viewers, yet again, what a petulant, immature child Peter Florrick is. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again… and then I’ll probably say it a million more times after this upcoming time: Peter is just no damn good!

After the blame for the Jeffery Grant shooting falls squarely on the shoulders of Jim Castro, the current State’s Attorney, campaign strategist Eli Gold warns Finn Polmar that Castro will try to dig up anything from his past in an attempt to hurt him. As it turns out, Castro already has a surveillance photo of Finn leaving Alicia Florrick's apartment building. Uh oh! Castro brings Peter the photo at his office, asking, “How do you think it will look that you endorse your wife’s lover?” Naturally, Peter handles the situation like a mature adult: He throws two glasses of water in Castro’s face. Ha! Okay, I’ll admit, Castro kind of deserved that.

Castro plants a seed of doubt in Peter’s mind. “Is Alicia really sleeping with someone else already?” So, again, Peter handles the situation like a mature adult: He immediately retaliates against Alicia for something he’s not even sure she actually did by shamelessly flirting with an attractive intern in his office named Lauren. Oh, Peter. I would like to say that I thought you were better than this, but I didn’t, so, bravo for at least being consistent in your shitty-ness. (I guess I really should be congratulating the show’s writers. Brava, writers!)

Later, after Eli has warned intern Lauren to stay the hell away from Peter, Peter lashes out at Eli, saying, “I will not be contained in a bubble! I have to be with people, that’s who I am!” Oh, please. Such drama. Even after Eli tells him that Alicia didn't sleep with Finn, it doesn’t seem to make much of a difference to Peter. What’s the deal with that?

Based on what we know about Peter’s character so far, here’s what I think is going on inside that pea-sized little brain of his: Peter longs to sleep with other women besides Alicia. He probably always has. I mean, hell, his habit of sleeping with prostitutes is what kicked off this entire series in the first place! It doesn’t seem like monogamous relationships are really his bag.

Peter may be pissed off at Alicia at the moment for instituting their new “arrangement” because he’s a childish brat who hates feeling like he’s lost something that used to “belong” to him, but secretly, he’s been looking for a reason to screw around outside of their marriage for a long time — probably ever since he was released from jail. This “Alicia might be sleeping with Finn” thing is exactly the reason he’s been waiting for. Peter’s not going to let the facts stand in the way of his penis having a good time.

There’s probably also a whole lot of jealousy swimming around in Peter’s head right now, too. He's probably thinking, “Alicia’s getting some? From someone who’s not me?? How dare she! Now it’s my turn.” You know, something like that. So, what I’m saying is, at the end of the episode when intern Lauren knocks on Peter’s office door late at night and asks if he needs anything else, Peter is almost definitely going to try to sleep with her. And, technically, that kind of behavior is permitted by his current setup with Alicia as long as she and the kids don’t find out about it. So, scam away, I guess.

Peter is the worst. He doesn’t really care about Alicia. All he cares about is the state of Illinois and his mom and his (lady) friends. I just wish Alicia would serve Peter some divorce papers already and run away with Finn (who got an adorable new haircut this week, I might add). Oh, and we now know definitively that Finn is single and ready to mingle! Woo hoo! Even with all of this frustrating Peter crap, I guess this wasn't such a bad episode after all.

Next Week: It’s the season finale! “Loyalty will be tested. Lines will be crossed. Lasagna will be served.” Are you excited?

Images: CBS; thegoodwifeislife/tumblr