Was That Really Adam's Phone Number?

Monday night’s episode of The Voice was a night of sickening performances. If you’ve been watching this season, you, like me, were not surprised at how terrific the top 10 contestants were. We’ve seen this particular crop of singers perform week after week, and they’ve been nothing short of excellent. Monday night was no exception. Delvin Choice’s “Bright Lights” had me punching a throw pillow out of joy. Audra McLaughlin’s “You Lie” was ridiculous. Like, get out of here with that magical voice, Audra! Sisaundra Lews singing “Oh Sherrie” was not fair to the rest of the universe. Because that performance rubbed the universe’s nose in just how it’ll never be a singer like Sisaundra. Christina Grimmie’s version of “Hold On We’re Going Home” was stupid-good. STUPID-GOOD, I said!

Speaking of stupid, Blake Shelton tweeted Adam Levine’s phone number. The besties had been going back and forth on Twitter all day about god knows what (like they do), Blake said he’d tweet Adam’s number, Adam dismissed the threat, and then Drunk Uncle Blake tweeted Adam’s number during the live show. (Or at least they all committed to pretending like the number was Adam’s number.) Holy smokes, Blake.

Moments after Blake released the tweet into the World Wide Web, Adam's cell blew up with calls. Adam and Blake answered the phone on the air. Was it part of a bit? Was it real? I'm inclined to think it was real, if only because Adam seemed genuinely pissed off throughout the show. He warned Blake about the revenge he could expect: “Oh, don’t worry. It’s coming. It involves a fork, and an enclosed space, and human poop.”

Did I look at the tweet? Yes. Yes I did. I stared at the number for at least three minutes. It looked like a legit phone number. What if it is really him?! My longstanding crush on Adam and his ever-changing hairdos nearly drove me to give the number a shot.

But I didn’t. Why?

1) If Adam actually answered, I would literally throw up all over my phone. And you know that vomit would get in every crevice and crack of the phone. The smell would never leave. I’d want to replace the phone immediately, but I just replaced my phone. I’m out of upgrades. I’d be stuck with a vom phone.

2) If a non-Adam stranger answered, I’d be embarrassed. The same panic surge would hit me that hits me every time I accidentally call a wrong number. I’d stutter my way through an apology and hang up. And then I’d feel like a gullible idiot for the rest of the night. I can’t believe you fell for a Blake Shelton shenanigan, I’d think. A Blake Shelt-nanigan.

3) If Blake answered, I would not vomit. I would, however, nervously throw my phone to the ground with such force that the screen would crack. Like I said, I just replaced my phone.

So, I went with "don't call the maybe-Adam Levine number. You (and your phone) will be better off simply wondering What if? for the rest of your life."

TUESDAY NIGHT: WILL THERE BE LIVE ELIMINATIONS? YES. WILL ADAM LEVINE HAVE A NEW PHONE NUMBER? PROBABLY. WILL THERE BE MORE BLAKE SHELT-NANIGANS? WE'LL HAVE TO WAIT AND SEE.

Image: Trae Patton/NBC