Justin Bieber just dropped a new track on Twitter today and it actually shows great progress for the singer. On the surface it seems like "Hard 2 Face Reality" is a track about Bieber's on-again-off-again love Selena Gomez, but it's really much deeper than that. It's step one on the road to recovery: admitting that he has a problem understanding and facing reality. (It's understandable, he was given millions of dollars and a huge amount of influence as an impressionable teenager.) For Bieber to use music to address that he sometimes has this issue was a brave move. Now he needs only to complete these next 7 steps to become a person that America no longer wants to deport.
1. LEAVE SELENA GOMEZ ALONE
Don't post creepy messages about her on Instagram, don't try to get back with her, probably you should even stop writing songs about her. She's got enough going on with a new manager and that stalker trying to break into her house every two weeks. She doesn't need your emotional baggage either.
2. APOLOGIZE TO SO MANY COUNTRIES
I've drafted up some possible apologies in case he feels unsure of what to say.
"Sorry that I dumped my pet monkey on you, Germany."
"Sorry that I vandalized your buildings, Australia."
"Sorry that I desecrated your flag, Argentina."
"Sorry that I consistently give people a reason to make fun of you, Canada."
3. APOLOGIZE TO SO MANY PEOPLE
Sorry citizens of Miami for driving drunk on your streets.
Sorry Mr. Deposition Man for being a little sh*t.
Sorry mom for saying that the YouTube videos you posted were detrimental to my career. I meant instrumental.
4. TELL YOUR TWITTER FOLLOWERS WHATS WHAT
Your fans are dedicated to the point of starting cults, so you should use the influence you have over them to enact some good in the world. Like tell them to stop tweeting hate messages at Selena Gomez.
5. REALIZE YOU ARE NOT THE CENTER OF EVERYTHING
You're not impervious to real world rules and laws and you are most certainly not "fashion." Take a step back for a little while. You'll probably even enjoy the privacy that comes with not being America's least favorite person.
6. STOP LYING
If you say you're going to stop getting tattoos, don't get another one two weeks later. We don't care if you get more tattoos, but we do care that you lie to us because then we have to make fun of you. Same thing goes for false retirement tweets.
7. GIVE CANADA SOME TACO BELL
It's your fault Canadian citizens can't enjoy the waffle taco, so use some of your disposable income to hook them up. The surest way to someone's heart is through their stomach with some Mexican fast food.
Listen to his new song here:
