She Wants To Be The Next Katy Perry, Apparently

Growing up is hard, man! And stars have it way, way harder. Selena Gomez hired Katy Perry's manager and fired her mom and stepdad, which is like, the ultimate way of saying, "mom, I'm a grown up!" Like, I just had to slam a door shut to get the message across and Gomez had to fire her parents. Tough stuff over there.

But let's not analyze her choice to dismiss her parents. Let's look at who she chose to be her new manager! To reiterate, Gomez hired Katy Perry's manager, Bradford Cobb, which insinuates that Gomez wants to be the next Katy Perry. Now, Ms. Gomez, there are easier ways to do that, like:

• date John Mayer for a brief juncture in time (very easy to do, as he is the number two Hollywood player)
• start out as a Christian singer and then morph into a promiscuous sex symbol
• dye your hair slime green
• become an art collector

Now, Gomez has been going through a lot. She's had this on-again-off-again relationship with the Internet's favorite human to hate on, Justin Bieber. She's been in rehab — which she voluntarily submitted herself to, and we applaud her for that. But recently, she unfriended all of her new friends — namely, Kylie and Kendall Jenner — on Instagram, and I've heard from the teens I know means that SOMETHING'S UP.

Granted, Cobb's got a great track record, as he's also worked with Adam Lambert, and he was listed as one of Billboard's 40 Executives Under 40 in 2013. But the thing that made him the biggest deal? Making Katy Perry a star. Perhaps Gomez thinks that Cobb can transform her otherwise meh music career into something explosive, on par with Perry's level of stardom. She probably thinks that her mom and stepdad were holding her back from all of the cone bra possibilities in the world. But the truth has nothing to do with moms, dads, Katy Perry, or cone bras — it's that we just don't quite take her music career seriously. Womp womp.