Open Minded Dating: Compromising Isn't Settling

In the perfect world that is La La Land, a freakishly picky writer takes perfection to new extremes. Amanda Lauren of xoJane proudly proclaims she is "not a settler" before launching into all her requirements for her Mr. Perfect. The girl clearly has restless man syndrome — no matter how much of a catch the guy is, she probably always ditches him in hopes of finding someone better.

Every time I get involved with someone, I compare him to my Dad. Does he have that je ne sais quoi charm, class and heart my father has? Or is he just another douche who can’t even be bothered to open a car door for me?

No mention of how amazing her mom is to deserve such a great dude, and of the compromises her parents make to have a happy relationship. Instead, Lauren just sees black and white: Either she's dating the worst man in L.A. or she's about to meet her future husband.

I settled and moved in with someone who ended up being abusive because I thought he was the best I could do. It was better to settle and completely compromise my priorities, values and essentially myself, than to be alone, right? Wrong.

Lady needs to realize there's important grey space between an abusive boyfriend and a guy who forgets to open your car door. You don't have to "completely compromise" yourself, but you do have to make a compromise on what you think is your ideal man. He doesn't exist. He's in your head.

Relationships are all about finding a happy middle ground that suits both partners' needs. But Lauren doesn't seem to consider what the guy she dates might need. She seems to be spending so much time criticizing men that she doesn't see how much of a double standard she's imposing on her dating life:

My auto-rejection policy also applies to men who are not established in their careers. I am not very established in mine and it’s hard for two people to work on both their careers and a relationship simultaneously.

Now I completely refuse to settle, even when it comes to short-term dating. My time is very limited. I have a day job and I am an actress and obviously a writer.

I wonder how Mr. Right would feel about her having no time for him. Not once — not once! — in the article does Lauren mention what she has to bring to the table that's so fantastic and how she's willing to invest herself in her relationship with Mr. Right. Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if guys don't want to settle for her.

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