Remember that Palcohol powdered alcohol stuff we heard about last week? We’ve been thinking since it got the green light from the Alcohol and Tobacco Tax and Trade Bureau, and y’know, it may not actually be as weird as it seems. It makes sense to market it to sporting event- and concert-going crowds, and hey, maybe it’ll taste like boozy Kool-Aid. You know what it won’t taste like? Any of the 10 similarly strange alcoholic items and trends listed below. Of that, we’re certain. Aren’t you glad you grew up and learned to love good wine and not-crappy beer?
1. Four Loko
Remember this stuff? It made headline after headline in 2010 after a stupidly large number of college students ended up in the ER because of it. The original formula (it's since been reformulated) contained something like four or five beers’ worth of alcohol and a cup of coffee’s worth of caffeine, so obviously when you drink more than one in a sitting… Here, I made you a meme:
Yeah. That.
2. Smoking Alcohol
Considered about your liver, but don’t care about your lungs? Inhale your alcohol instead of drinking it! Just kidding; that’s a terrible idea. Apparently, though, people have in fact found ways to “smoke” booze; it involves turning the alcohol into vapor by doing something like pouring it over dry ice and then inhaling the vapor. Sure, it cuts down on calorie consumption — but do you really want to be sending alcohol into your lungs instead of into, y’know, the organ that’s supposed to metabolize it?
3. Whipped Lightning
I actually tried this alcohol-infused whipped cream once. Not because I wanted to, but because the site I was writing for at the time received some samples, and well… we couldn’t very well not try it, could we? Long story short: It’s AWFUL. So AWFUL that mere italics can’t convey how awful it is — this calls for CAPS LOCK. SERIOUSLY. DON’T EAT IT. IT’S GROSS.
4. Alcoholic Gummy Bears
This one isn’t actually too bad in the grand scheme of things, but if you’re not a fan of Jell-O shots, you might want to steer clear. All you have to do to make your very own alcoholic gummy bears (or frogs, or snakes, or whatever) is dump a bag of ‘em in a bowl of vodka or rum and let ‘em soak for eight hours at room temperature. Eat slowly, and in teeny tiny batches.
5. Vodka Eyeballing
Why would you pour a shot of vodka in your eye? No idea. I mean, I suppose if you didn’t want to literally drink yourself blind, this would be the way to do it, but seriously. What? Just… what?! Here is some video evidence that people have actually done this:
6. Adult Chocolate Milk
In my world, we call these White Russians, and we mix ‘em ourselves. But in case you want something a little more playful than a regular ol’ cocktail, there’s Adult Chocolate Milk. They also make Adult Strawberry Milk and Adult Limeade, so you’re all set for your signature drink at your next ‘90s nostalgia party.
7. Bone Luge
According to Gizmodo, eating roasted beef marrow straight out of the bone and following it up by pouring a shot of brandy through the bone and into your mouth is actually really delicious. I will take their word for it, as the idea kind of horrifies me.
8. Hand Sanitizer
It’s common knowledge that you shouldn’t drink things that are meant to kill all germs on contact, right? So what compelled these California teens to distill a bunch of Purell into 60 proof moonshine and drink it? I really couldn’t tell you.
9. Yogurito
Two words: Alcoholic. Yogurt.
10. The Flaming Moe
I mean, if you’re going to drink cough syrup for the alcohol content, you may as well set it on fire, right? Responsibly, of course! With an operational fire extinguisher very nearby!
11. Butt chugging
This one sits right behind vodka-soaked tampons on the list of ridiculous things people will do to get drunk. Here, let this guy explain.
Images: Whipped Lightning, Adult Beverage Co.,
