25 Horrifyingly Real OkCupid Messages

When it comes to online dating, some men send messages merely reading "hi" or "sup," revealing them to be unoriginal and socially inept, and essentially signaling why they’re on OkCupid in the first place. Others spell your name wrong, even though it’s written in the first line of your profile. And of course there's the all-too-frequent “nice boobs” comment, despite the fact that you've meticulously crafted a profile bursting with moral fiber in an effort to color yourself as more than a photo to use during masturbation.

But then there are those select few — and by that I mean too many — whose outrageously cringe-worthy messages will have you mulling over an alternative, asexual lifestyle, because you’ve officially lost all hope in dating.

From the married-for-more man asking that you facilitate his infidelity, to the “Hey, I told my mom you're my girlfriend, so we need to meet ASAP!” stage-5 clinger, to the one hoping to dominate you like Christian Grey but not quite as sexy, the guys you'll find on OKCupid communicate in ways that are both comical and dispiriting. Take a look at the 25 most ridiculous messages I've received while navigating the world of online dating.

1.

Disregarding the poor grammar, there are so many things wrong with this message. But if we’re going to personify condoms, plural condoms wouldn’t talks, they’d talk. Anyway, I should get myself a box for all the sex I evidently will never be having.

2.

At the very least, I’ll need one or two Coke liters for the heavy consumption of rum I’ll need to maintain sanity. I think I need a shot now, actually.

3.

When did telling a woman she makes you feel ill become a pick-up line? I’m concerned.

4.

You end these things by never starting them. Keepin’ it classy, ttyl.

5.

Oh.

6.

Incredible, you read my mind. But let’s not almost get arrested, let’s actually do it!

7.

I'm not quite sure what language this is, but I don't think it's German either.

8.

This is the stage-5 clinger type. You should probably turn to your local police precinct.

9.

I am very much aware that it is not me…

10.

Are we, though?

11.

I mean, I don’t hate them.

12.

While I unfortunately deleted this charming MARRIED man’s first message, I find his follow-ups to be just as endearing. Laughing my a$$ off! He’s just being persistent though, don’t hate.

13.

Honesty is not always the best policy.

14.

Again with the honesty! {Lie, please?}

15.

I’m not quite sure what this means, but third time’s a charm, right? No.

16.

Aw, I would, but I’m frightened.

17.

This is impressively flattering and offensive, all in eight words.

18.

Why does this keep happening?

19.

Only if I can be little spoon, chico ;)

20.

It is certainly a unique introduction…hehe.

21.

I like to think I’m somewhat of a Warbler. I think they’re like six percent enemies with your type though.

22.

Did I say you could ask me a very personal question? But to answer your question, aren’t they all?

23.

lol :) I’m not offended, just scared.

24.

I think this just means he wants to start dating again. Maybe we’ll finally have our first date.

25.

I been single for not long enough. Like to dance cuddle with my body pillow for the rest of my life. But feel free to leave your cell.