People seem to fall into one of two camps when it comes to dating deal-breakers: either they think people are too picky or they think people are not picky enough. But maybe it's not quite either. Maybe it's a good thing to be picky, but people tend to be picky about the wrong things. There's nothing wrong with deal-breakers in of themselves, and everyone has the right to their own, even if others would find them ridiculous. I, for example, wouldn't date someone who isn't a feminist, while some people might not date someone who is a feminist. Me and that person probably should never date because our morals conflict.
But some criteria might be a little looser. For example, I used to believe I would need to date someone who lived near me because long-distance relationships were too difficult. When I met someone who lived in another country but met all my other criteria, I realized I was actually willing to compromise on that front.
Which deal-breakers are set in stone and which can be compromised aren't meant to be the same for every person. But the deal-breakers these people regretted having might help you figure out whether any of yours are worth letting go of.
1. Carrie, 41
"Almost everything. You get older and love someone and it's no longer about deal-breakers — it's about living with the actual person in front of you."
2. Jim, 33
"If the other has kids."
3. Brianna, 26
"'Must love reading.' I realized that he had hobbies he wanted me to love that I wouldn't or couldn't, so I couldn't expect the same back. Now, we have our separate hobbies, but also the ones we enjoy together. It creates a good balance and keeps us independent within the relationship."
4. Chris, 47
"[That they couldn't be] shorter than me."
5. Melissa, 36
"'No drugs.' I had a lot of preconceptions about all drug users, including pot smokers (lazy, cant hold a job, etc.). My husband is a daily pot smoker. Had I known that when we first met, and stuck to my criteria, I would have missed out on an awesome guy."
6. Davisha, 28
"A deal-breaker I had was not dating men with children because it was always some form of drama... I saw that when I told some men from the beginning what I didn't want, they often lied or tried to manipulate the situation in some way for me to continue dating them. I find that in general, when you tell people your deal-breakers, they can and will try to mask who they really are or whatever situations they're in to still have a chance with you. It's often the ultimate set-up to be told whatever you want to hear. Besides, by blocking men who had children, I wasn't giving them a fair chance because many are good individuals, and their situation was before me."
7. Adam, 26
"There was one point in my life where I felt like I could only date women that were bibliophiles — people that love books. If I didn't think that we could have a conversation about literature, then I didn't see how we could get along. I'm so happy I broke away from that. Since breaking that preference, I've developed amazing relationships with types of women that I never thought would be interested in me."
8. Afiqah, 19
"When they're more sensitive and attached than I am. Turns out it's nice to feel loved and showered with romance."
9. Allison, 21
"Age differences. I'm realizing being open to dating guys a few years older is sometimes the only way to find a sufficiently mature guy."
10. Hannah, 23
"Political party affiliation/religion. My current boyfriend is a Republican Christian but he cried with me after Orlando, is pro-choice, and has been my staunchest ally as a bisexual woman."
11. Rose, 24
"Mine was the pitch of someone's voice. I used to hate when guys had a higher voice or laugh, but now if I end up liking them regardless it goes away."
12. Haley, 27
"I used to break up if the guy snores. I can't sleep through that! But then I discovered that ear plugs go a long way when you love someone. And sleep deprivation isn't all that bad."
13. Natilly, 18
"Completely different interests. I used to think that it would interfere with the relationship greatly, but I've realized it was the people who made it difficult to deal with, not the activities themselves."
14. Sarah, 24
"Their family. If the person you are dating is that great, then you will learn to put up with their family. Just make sure you consider what you and your other half need first. That's most important!"
15. Jared, 24
"Being friends with their ex. It took a while to get over that, though."
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