These Black Friday Quotes Will Make You Laugh

In two days, Americans all over the country will sit down together to eat and give thanks for their good fortune. And then the next day, they’ll swarm their local malls and Targets in unruly hoards, in the merciless ritual known as “Black Friday.” I’ve collected funny Black Friday quotes here, because if we don’t laugh about our national holiday celebrating mass consumerism, we’ll probably cry about it, right into all of the heavily discounted and completely unnecessary electronics we just bought.

Black Friday is a polarizing day — some people adore it, and really just approach their Thanksgiving feasts as necessary fuel for the take-no-prisoners, gladiator-style shopping spree that starts in the wee hours of Friday morning (or on Thanksgiving itself). Rather than dread the insane crowds that gather outside the doors of their favorite big box stores, these intrepid warriors find that the brutal struggle to get their on-sale gaming systems and flat screens makes their ultimate victory especially sweet; their discounted high-ticket items look all the shinier for being burnished with the blood and tears of other, less successful shoppers.

And then there are the folks like me, people who would rather lose a vital organ than go anywhere within a 10 mile radius of a Black Friday sale, who would rather retreat to the depths of the cruel wilderness and risk being eaten by wolves than attempt to get an Apple Watch at a discount on November 25.

OK, so apparently, in my mind, Black Friday happens in Westeros.

Whichever camp you fall into, please enjoy these fun memes, tweets, and quotes about Black Friday and holiday shopping:

1. May the odds be ever in your favor.

2. People do like comparing Black Friday to films about dystopian futures, don't they?

3. They really do.

4. This person is... not wrong.

5. The allure of a good deal.

A bargain is something you can't use at a price you can't resist. — Franklin P. Jones

6. Strategy.

Never dig in the bins. The bins are for suckers. — Jane the Virgin

Clear eyes, full carts, let's shop! — Jane the Virgin

7. Oh God, parking.

Once again we find ourselves enmeshed in the Holiday Season, that very special time of year when we join with our loved ones in sharing centuries-old traditions such as trying to find a parking space at the mall. We traditionally do this in my family by driving around the parking lot until we see a shopper emerge from the mall, then we follow her, in very much the same spirit as the Three Wise Men, who 2,000 years ago followed a star, week after week, until it led them to a parking space. — Dave Barry

8. Um, what's a Zhu Zhu Pet?

Black Friday, the official kick-off of the Christmas shopping season, in which parents prove that they love their kids by trampling each other to buy the last Zhu Zhu Pet. — Stephen Colbert

9. Black Friday and Your Patriotic Duty.

10. Sounds about right.

11. It's not going to be pretty.

Good luck out there, brave shoppers!

Images: Giphy