When it comes to doing my number two, I'm a champion. It takes me about 30 seconds, and that includes the wiping. In fact, I'm probably one of the world's fastest poopers, although that's probably not something to boast about if someone asked me about my hidden talents. Unfortunately, not everyone is this lucky. Many people resort to grunting while pooping, or perhaps mustering up all their energy and counting down to themselves: "OK... One, two, three, push!"
Pooping is clearly a very personal matter (which, honestly, is probably a fact that you didn't need me to tell you, but, well... here we are). We all have our own creative ways of taking a dump, but it turns out that grunting isn't actually all that helpful for pooping purposes, according to experts who spoke with Denmark-based news site The Local. Apparently, since pooping is all about placing pressure on your butt, making those grunting noises lets out pressure through our mouths, which might hinder your ability to squeeze it all out through the other end.
So if grunting over the toilet means you're doing it wrong, what exactly are the proper pooping techniques? Whether you take 15 seconds or 15 minutes, there's always something you can do to make those trips to the bathroom stink less (figuratively, y'all). In fact, there are entire subreddits dedicated to the art of pooping, with very serious debates about the correct ways of taking a poop. Here are just a few tips for loosening that stool:
Go In The Morning
It's best if you visit the toilet after a night's worth of sleeping, because the inner workings of your body are now ready to, ah, excrete anything you don't need. So remember to go before you leave for work, even if that means getting up five or 10 minutes earlier than you normally would.
Squat, Don't Sit
Research shows that squatting physically makes more sense for poopers. In fact, when we squat, it actually takes a much shorter time for everything to makes its journey through our body's chutes and ladders. Extra perk: It'll strengthen the muscles in your thighs. Then again, there's also a case to be made for sitting. You can always just try both ways and then figure out what seems to work the best for you.
Slide A Book Under Your Feet
Yes, you read that correctly. It might sound weird, but sitting over the toilet with a book or stool under your feet will make relieving your bowels easier and faster. Now go ahead and do your business.
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