'Mad Men' Trailers Tell Us Nothing About 'Mad Men'

Matthew Weiner loves to fuck with fans of his hit AMC series, Mad Men . And with the two-part final season looming large — part one premieres April 13th — the network and its series creator have decided to fuck with us some more. He's only got one more season left of his hair-pulling, exasperating, tantrum-inducing vagaries, so — natch — he's going to milk that aggravation for all it's worth. Just really lay it all out there with the absurdly untelling teasers and tips about the forthcoming season. Thanks, Weiner. Thanks a bunch.

I mean, seriously — look at this shit. Look at it! There's nothing here! Nothing. There's nary a sliver of tangible information here that we can use. Nothing worth speculating on (not even that Beatles stuff, really), and certainly not even the fleetingest of glimpses into the season to come. And still! Here we all are, transfixed and hypnotized by the series' searing sway and swagger. The promos for this season are all travel metaphors and crybaby noises, and yet still we sit here wanting more.

In fact, sometimes I think Don Draper is just us (the audience — not American society like Weiner purports), personified: waiting to find out what Matt Weiner has in store for him, tinkering away at the how-it's-all-going-to-end possibilities by throwing temper tantrums, drinking, and philanderfucking his way towards an early grave, as if to spite himself. And bad behavior is not to be rewarded, my friends. So THIS is what we get instead. Ethereal slow-motion movement with no words, just music. A few look backs at the season prior to; the now-iconic phrase, "NOT GREAT, BOB!" blurted from Pete Campbell's punchable lips; a tippity-tap dance prance from Ken Cosgrove. But that's it. Nothing more. Because we don't deserve any more, it seems.

First up: here's that "it's all up in the air" teaser:

OK. Fun, but no substance. Next up? "You're the baby!"

That one feels like a bit of an attack, Weiner. Not gonna lie. Next?

OK, we'll give you this one — a refresher is good. But this last one?

"Change the conversation." Change the conversation? CHANGE THE CONVERSATION?! Why does everything have to be on YOUR terms, Weiner? Aren't we allowed to talk about what we want to talk about? It's a free country, verdamnit!

Ugh. Hurry up and get here already, Mad Men.

Image: AMC