A New, Awful Song for a 'Housewife', Of Course

Considering the high rate of turnover in the world of reality TV, current cast members must constantly up the ante in terms of entertainment value or risk getting the boot. But not everyone can join Dancing With the Stars or get their own spin-off. So what's the next best thing? Why, releasing a song, of course! There are just about enough singing Real Housewives to compile a best of CD, or worst of, depending on your ears. For the most part, listening to Housewives' songs could be officially declared a form of self-torture, but the new song from The Real Housewives of Atlanta 's Porsha Williams isn't half bad. As for the rest of the ones on my list, I wish I could say the same.

Porsha Williams "Flatline"

Now that Williams' tumultuous divorce has come to an end, and in an effort to show us how she plans to use the next 265 days of her life, she's released a new song titled "Flatline." It explores the recent divorcee's emotion over her breakup with ex-husband Kordell Stewart. Parts of it don't even sound like Williams. Despite the song closing with an over-dramatized flatline audio sample, it doesn't make my ears bleed, which is saying a lot.

The Real Housewives of New Jersey's Melissa Gorga — "On Display"

This song is barely tolerable, not because it sounds bad, but just knowing that Gorga had the nerve to release a song about being on display, people "waiting on me to fall" and daring all blogs to "put it up on the headline" when she was the equivalent of a Housewife embryo just irritates me. But, I can remain partial and say that it's far from the worst of the Housewives' tunes.

The Real Housewives of Atlanta's Kim Zolciak — "Don't Be Tardy For the Party"

Zolciak literally struck gold with this song. It charted on iTunes and she even got away without paying for it. But that didn't stop Bravo from taking advantage of the song's popularity by naming Zolciak's wedding spin-off after it. I'll admit that it was catchy and fun to watch people make fun of it. But on the other hand Zolciak's second single, "The Ring Didn't Mean a Thing" caused ringing in my ears two seconds into the song. For an instant headache, listen here.

The Real Housewives of New York's LuAnn DeLesseps — "Money Can't Buy You Class"

Two words describe this song: face palm. With lyrics like, "primary mistake, texting on a date," who could take this seriously? As wretched as it is, it's still slightly better than DeLesseps' barely memorable follow-up Chic C'est La Vie, that came complete with a video that looks like a bootleg episode of the show.

The Real Housewives of Orange County's Gretchen Rossi — "The Time is Now"

The fact that Rossi wrote this song about her proposing to Slade Smiley makes me want to hate it, but other than some super nasally notes, I really don't. According to the new cast photos that don't include Rossi and castmate Alexis Bellino, Rossi will have a lot more time to hit the studio to pen sappy ballads.

The Real Housewives of Atlanta's Kenya Moore — "Gone With the Wind Fabulous"

This is probably the furthest thing from a song of all the Housewives' tunes. Unlike DeLesseps who forced at least two cracked notes out of her vocal chords, Moore opts out of singing altogether. Instead the former beauty queen talks her way through the entire song, rebuffing all accusations lodged against her in one self-absorbed argument: "I'm fabulous." The song gets even lazier as Moore ends each verse by demanding us to "twirl" repeatedly.