While doggy style sex can be amazing if you like it a little rough, it's not limited to that. It can also be a great position for connecting and slowing down with your partner. I know it might seem counterintuitive, because it doesn't naturally seem like the most intimate of positions, but it all depends on the attitude that you go into it was. Any position can be really romantic or straight-up BDSM, it's all about the technique and your connection with your partner.
But why would you want an animalistic position like doggy to be more intimate? It's one of the best ways to for a couple to "transmit depth and intensity of their romantic connection," sex and intimacy expert, Dr. Laura Berman tells Bustle. This is obviously important to keeping a relationship going, and it also helps makes the sex better. “It’s not something women can physically go from zero to 60,” Dr. Berman tells Bustle. “It’s about nurturing the relationship in a way so she’s primed for sex and [her partner is] primed for connection.”
So bringing intimacy into your sex life helps bring your relationship into it, rather than it being a divorced, purely physical, experience (although I have to say sometimes that's nice, too). It's also just really fun to play with dynamics in positions and play with expectations, taking traditionally rougher positions and making them softer and vice versa. Playing and subverting is always fun and adds an extra layer to the sex.
Not sure how to do it? Here are some tips for making doggy more intimate:
1. Slow It Down
The biggest problem? A lot of times doggy can feel like thudding away. Slow it way down, focus on grinding, and sharing the movement. It will feel a lot more like you're both involved.
2. Map It Out
A lot of women feel like they're not getting much out of doggy, unless they're really into deep penetration. Everything else can be ignored. Try to doing a little homework before with body mapping, an exercise that is based in reestablishing trust, Alyssa Dweck, M.D., gynecologist in New York, assistant clinical professor OBGYN at Mt. Sinai School of Medicine, and author of V is for Vagina tells Bustle. You take sketches of people and use different colors to show what areas you'd like more or less attention to. Once you're getting more attention paid to the back of your neck or your hips or the side of your breast during doggy, it'll feel way more intimate.
3. Try It Modified
Modified doggy, where you're both almost laying down on top of each other, is a much more intimate version of traditional doggy. Partially because you're physically much more connected and partially because it's less about the thrusting. It's definitely one of my favorites.
"Lie flat on your stomach, legs together," Jessica Drake, adult performer and sex educator, tells Bustle. "Same amazingly tight friction as 'special' missionary, and depending on the size/shape of your partner, possible G-spot stimulation."
4. Focus On The Foreplay
Because it's from behind, it's a great opportunity to start off with a nice massage or back rub first. If you start by laying down your front, taking your time, and enjoying the message, it's going to feel like a less harsh position. The gentle transition into it will make it feel more intimate.
5. Tease
In addition to slowing it down, it's a great position for teasing. You can either move away or your partner can pull out a bit in between thrusts or before you begin, but that back-and-forth nonverbal discussion will make it feel more intimate.
6. Talk It Out
Especially in modified doggy, but even in the traditional position with you looking back at them, it's a great opportunity for talking to each other. It can be dirty if that's what you're into or it can be more romantic — but either way, you're connecting.
7. Lean Into It
If you're not into modified doggy, but you want to feel more connected, your partner can still pitch themselves forward. Rather than leaning back and enjoying the view of your ass, your partner can lean forward (maybe even placing their arms on either side of you), so their torso is resting on your back. From there, they can whisper in your ear, play with your clit— there are a lot of options.
Images: Caroline Wurtzel/Bustle
