When I was little, my mom bribed me into potty training by rewarding me with a pair of Little Mermaid underwear. From that day on, I was hooked. I later moved on to shopping for sparkly cloud bikini briefs at Limited Too, then to sneaking thongs from Delia's and hiding them under my bed, and (finally) to buying all-out lingerie sets from Victoria's Secret. Underwear is an incredibly important — and incredibly personal — thing, and as women we're lucky that there are a zillion underwear options out there to fit our every need.
Trying to avoid panty lines? There are seamless thongs. Trying to feel sexy in something that won't ride up your butt all day long? We have lacy boy shorts. Trying to suck in every ounce of cellulite from your knees to your shoulders? Spanx, duh.
As many amazing underwear options as there are out there, there are also some pretttttyyyyy weird ones. From a pair that will make your butt smell better to a pair that totally negates your need for pads and tampons, there seriously is something out there for everyone. Take a look at these nine insane types of underwear that you may not know about yet, but definitely, definitely should. (I apologize in advance for using the word panties.)
1. Fart Filtering Underwear
Shreddies Women's Briefs, $23, MyShreddies
If I'd known about these puppies six months ago (they filter out the odor from your farts!!) I would have been able to stay in the "sexy and mysterious" phase of my relationship a lot longer.
2. Edible Underwear
Do you think this is what Marcy Playground was thinking about when he wrote Sex and Candy?
3. Chastity Belt
Pink Stainless Steel Adjustable Chastity Belt, $175, Fetish Zone
The fact that these antiquated contraptions still exist is insane (in the olden days, "chastity belts" were used to keep women's virginity in tact before marriage) though I will admit this one is pretty cute, and could potentially make for a fun 50 Shades of Gray situation.
4. Pubes Underwear
Major Pubes Underwear , $16, Ebay
Apparently, going au natural is making a comeback. See ya never, bikini waxes!
5. C-String
Gimme Five C-String Thong Panty, $7, Amazon
As crazy as this contraption looks, it actually has a pretty practical use (unlike most of the other items on this list...). This "C-String" underwear sticks to your, um, undercarriage so that you don't have to go commando in even your most risqué dresses. This is finally the answer we've been looking for to the question we've been asking ourselves for two years — "what the hell did Kendall Jenner wear under that double-slitted dress?!"
6. Butt Lifting Underwear
Fullness Booty Enhancer Booster Padded Brief, $13, Amazon
While we may never know if Kim Kardashian's butt is "real" or not (I, for one, am a total truther), these bad boys will at least help us get her look — without surgery.
7. Vibrating Underwear
Taking the phrase "sexy lingerie" to a whole new level. Pull a Katherine Heigl and give the remote to your S.O. for a little date-night fun... preferably not in public, unless that's what you're into.
8. Underwear For Your Feet
Nikita in Shocking Pink , $18, Footpanties
Proof that there really is a market for anything these days. After all, who's to say your toes don't deserve to feel sexy, too?
9. Period Absorbing Underwear
THINX Hiphugger, $34, THINX
All kidding about weird underwear aside, these period absorbing underwear are actually pretty amazing. THINX made a major splash when they hit the market a few months ago, and are seriously revolutionary when it comes to menstrual care. They come in all different styles, from boy shorts to thongs, and can hold anywhere from 1-2 tampons worth of period blood. You can see yourself out, monthly tampon budget.
Images: Isla Murray/Bustle; Courtesy of Brands
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