13 Popular Movies That Are Basically Porn

Try as the movie industry might to sell these movies as films that are worthy of acclaim and attention, there are a lot of popular movies that are basically softcore porn. Admit it. There are a few titles that come to mind the minute you read the title of this article. They are the movies that you secretly watched as a kid when no one was looking, or that you made note of later in life when watching them with friends. These movies are the ones you return to not so much for the amazing plots — even though, to be fair, some of them do have those too — but for the simple and titillating fact that they’re downright dirty in all the right kind of ways.

And the right kind of way, of course, is the tingly and touchy feely way. Even though some of these movies definitely have enough substance to merit their popularity, most of them are just wolves in sheep’s clothing. That is, if the sheep are wearing racy negligees and next to nothing in most scenes. These movies really are porn camouflaged as semi-presentable films. But, let’s be real. Even if they got attention in the first place because of their artistic merit, part of the reason they’ve hung on for so long is that they are downright dirty.

1. Cruel Intentions

Sure, it stars your favorite actors of the early ‘00s, but it’s also just straight up sexual tension served to the world on a pretty little Upper East Side platter.

2. American Pie

I just closed my eyes and instantly three sex scenes from this movie came to mind. I think that’s a pretty good test as to whether it’s a real movie or just gussies up porn.

3. Y Tu Mama Tambien

Admit it: You don’t read the subtitles to this film either.

4. Showgirls

Was there even a story to this film about a stripper? If there was, I definitely don’t remember it.

5. Wild Things

Who cares what this movie is about. The only thing anyone talked about when it came about was that scene where Neve Campbell and Denise Richards made out.

6. Secretary

This film about a woman who works as a secretary for a man who is into BDSM is based on the short story by Mary Gaitskill, but the basic premise is really where the connection between the movie and the story ends. With a ton of filthy scenes and demoralizing moments, this movie is one big raunch-fest.

7. Eyes Wide Shut

Orgies. Blind folds. Nicole Kidman’s nipples. Try to convince me that this movie was about anything other than porn. I dare you.

8. Shame

Stories about sex addicts make great porn… erm… I mean film.

9. Femme Fatale

Rebecca Romijn writhing on a table in next to nothing was totally necessary to the plot of this film. Clearly.

10. Varsity Blues

This movie about a high school football team in Texas taught us all a thing or do about what to do with a can of whipped cream.

11. Boogie Nights

Is it any surprise that a movie about porn stars could also serve as its own porno? No, not really.

12. Fifty Shades Of Grey

I think there was a story to this film, but mostly I just remember the room. You too, right?

13. The Diary Of A Teenage Girl

This is one of the few movies on the list that is more story than porn, but that hasn’t stopped plenty of viewers from flagging this one as one to remember.

Let’s face it. There’s definitely a reason why people keep watching these movies over and over again. And it isn’t necessarily for the acting.

Image: Lions Gate Films