Who's Hooking Up With Who On 'Southern Charm'?

Keeping track of who's dating/boinking who on Southern Charm can be a tad overwhelming, but it looks like supporting cast member J.D. and I are on the same page. During Monday night's ep, J.D. dubs the friends' dynamic “As The World Turns: Charleston,” and this title is so spot-on. Yes, things are a little soap opera-y, but I wouldn’t want it any other way.

If you look at any group of friends, it’s almost a given that there’s some, uh, romantic overlap. (Ew, that is a weird way to put it. Sorry. How about "in-house no pants dance partners"? Nope, that will not do. I'll just go with “crossover hookups." That'll have to work.) Crossover hookups are nothing new. But the Southern Charm crossover hookups? They're on some next-level soap opera shit. They seem to be happening at warp speed. And I, like any good reality TV viewer, am doing my best to follow along.

As of Monday night’s episode, here's the current relaysh/hookup run down:

• Thomas hooked up with Kathryn a few episode ago. During Monday night's ep, we learn that Kathryn and Thomas did not use protection. Kathryn hints at a possible pregnancy.

• Last episode, Shep hooked up with Kathryn.
• Shep still has feelings for MJ.
• Craig has a crush on Kathryn. He is mad at Shep for hooking up with Kathryn, but he doesn’t know about Thomas. He skips Jenna's party because he was still stewing over the Shep/Kathryn thing.
• Thomas has a crush on Danni (Shep's ex-girlfriend), but Danni rejects Thomas due to his reputation.
• Yeah, Shep was googly-eyed over Jenna in the first ep, but it no crossover hookups for her. Whitney says Jenna has a secret, wealthy older boyfriend who pays her rent. Is this actually the case? IDK. (I mean, we know current BF Ronnie Radkie isn't an old dude. Not sure who Whitney's talking about.)
• Cameran and Jenna make a few remarks about Whitney's assistant, Brandi. One remark that caught my ear: Brandi and Whitney share a bed. Is this actually the case? IDK.
• Patricia's fuchsia Birkin bag and pink gun are a perfect match. That Birkin and that gun are soul mates. Love at first sight. I hope they never split up.

Image: Bravo