A Seal's Parody of a Lorde Song

What did Lorde do last Friday before her concert in Boston? Lorde paid the New England Aquarium a visit, that's what. She hung out with penguins, took a picture of jellyfish, and met a seal pup. And yes, there is a photo of Lorde and Kit the seal. And, as expected, it is very cute. I mean, come on. It’s Lorde and a baby seal.

Yes, the pic is presh, but it also has me wondering what it'd be like if the time spent with the young musician inspired young Kit to pen a song. And not just any song. A song set to the tune of Lorde's smash hit “Royals”! What would Kit's song be about? Um...? I don't know a ton about seals, but I'm going to try to get into Kit's mind for a moment.

WAIT. I think I've got it. Maybe it'd be all about wanting to be a walrus. You see, I imagine there a walrus at the aquarium who leads a relatively mellow lifestyle, and Kit coveting that mellow lifestyle. It isn't entirely implausible. Running with that idea!

Here are the lyrics to "Walrus" penned by Kit (okay, they were penned by me) to the tune of "Royals":

I’ve never seen a shark in the fleshI cut my teeth on the fish that the trainers bring meAnd I don’t really know my addressI live somewhere in Boston, in an aquarium

But every trainer’s like, “do a trick, clap your fins, try hoppin’ through a hoop”I’m asked to swim around in circles for a crowdIt’s not my thing, I have tusks in my dreamsBecause walruses are, like, lounging, chilling, keeping it oh so realHanging out all day has great appealI don’t careAbout attempting any beach ball dares

And I’ll never be a walrus (walrus)It literally doesn’t run in my bloodI can’t change species, ughBut I wish I was born with tusksLet me be an OdobenidaeWe come from the same cladePinnipedia, Pinnipedia, PinnipediaaaaLet me live that fanta-sea

I know I’m cute, I’ve got that going for meI hear every “Ooh” and “Ah” uttered by all of the patronsBut no one knows that I wish I could just be nappingThat the attention overwhelms me

But every trainer’s like, “do a trick, clap your fins, try hoppin’ through a hoop”I’m asked to swim around in circles for a crowdIt’s not my thing, I have tusks in my dreamsBecause walruses are, like, lounging, chilling, keeping it oh so realHanging out all day has great appealI don’t careAbout attempting any beach ball dares

And I’ll never be a walrus (walrus)It literally doesn’t run in my bloodI can’t change species, ughBut I wish I was born with tusksLet me be an OdobenidaeWe come from the same cladePinnipedia, Pinnipedia, PinnipediaaaaLet me live that fanta-sea

[Seal bark]I’m a big walrus in my dreamsAnd I’m in love with brushing my tusks and teeth[Seal bark]Life is great without a careAnd I don’t want to attempt any beach ball dares

And I’ll never be a walrus (walrus)It literally doesn’t run in my bloodI can’t change species, ughBut I wish I was born with tusksLet me be an OdobenidaeWe come from the same cladePinnipedia, Pinnipedia, PinnipediaaaaLet me live that fanta-sea

Well, that was a healthy dose of weird. Thanks for going on that adventure with me. Here's the adorabs pic: