Carnie Carnage on 'AHS' Season 4

If you thought the most terrifying clown-related news today was the video from that Juggalette wedding, think again, because it's just been confirmed that the fourth season of American Horror Story will be set at the carnival. VISCERAL NO TO THAT. In a podcast interview with Nerdist's writers panel, show-writer Douglas Petrie caved and revealed that indeed, the setting for Season 4 will be a 1950s carnival. Or in Petrie's words, "That's the idea. That's very roughly the idea."

Well, I am very roughly opposed to the carnival, okay? Season 1's haunted house was kitschy and fun, the asylum was sobering and taught us that Jessica Lange looks good in a habit, and the coven was the best of femme fatale revenge, but something about mid-century killer clowns just doesn't jive with me. First of all, we all know that carnivals are awash with safety violations and animal abuse, and I don't want to see that in AHS's signature slant-frame shots.

Who am I kidding? Yes, I do, desperately. Bring on the nightmares of Lange as a haunted ringmaster or bearded lady or whatever. Apparently, she's working on her German accent, so there's bound to be some weird, World War II mess in the mix.

I'll take the girls in cages, the strongman, the clowns (cannibal, satan worshippers, or otherwise), but I just hope they're kind to the animals. Maybe a Water for Elephants crossover? JK, that movie was so bad it's scarier than anything Ryan Murphy could dream up.