Why Are the 'Liars' Sporting Wedding Gowns?

If there is one lesson to be learned from Tuesday night’s Pretty Little Liars , it is that a seafood parfait is not a finger food. Mrs. DiLaurentis barks this at some poor soul over the phone, and the words have been replaying in my mind ever since. Oh, I cannot get enough of Mrs. DiLaurentis. Sure, she might be "A." She might've put dirt in Spencer's bed last week. She might be stalking Spencer. BUT A SEAFOOD PARFAIT IS NOT A FINGER FOOD.

Why’s Mrs. DiLaurentis getting riled up over finger foods? Because Mrs. DiLaurentis is hosting a bridal expo at her house. Because of course she is. Ashley Marin is her bridal expo assistant, because Ashley has to get her kicks where she can. Hanna talks to Ashley about how spooky Mrs. DiLaurentis can be (Hanna is convinced Mrs. DiLaurentis is "A," so she's planting seeds in Ashley's subconscious), and this drives Ashley to snoop around Ali’s room. She finds a bag of new clothes for Ali. The receipt shows the clothes were purchased the day before. Ashley is like, “Very sus. Maybe Teen Detective Hanna knows what’s up?” At that moment, Mrs. DiLaurentis walks in and says, “DOES THIS LOOK LIKE A GUEST ROOM TO YOU?!”

Busted.

Ashley tells Hanna about the bag o’ clothes, Hanna tells the other Liars, and the Liars are like, “Okay, so we’re totally modeling in this bridal expo thing at the DiLaurentis house. WE NEED AN 'IN' SO WE CAN SNOOP SOME MORE. WE ALSO NEED AN EXCUSE TO WEAR WEDDING GOWNS.”

Why are they so obsessed with snooping? Well, 1) snooping is to Liars what swimming is to sharks, and 2) because the detective told the Liars and Mrs. DiLaurentis that they’ll be exhuming the body in Ali’s grave (nice hustle with that anonymous tip, Paige). The Liars know Ali is alive and not in that grave, so this news stresses them out. Mrs. DiLaurentis is creepy about everything, so who knows what this news actually means to her. She seems pissed about it? Or maybe her she's just bugging out over the bridal expo? I don't know. Anyway, the Liars want to get ahold of Ali in order to give her a heads up that the cops are onto her shit. They think they’ll find Ali contact info in Ali’s room. They snoop because they caaaaaaare.

At the bridal expo, Hanna and and Emily sneak into Ali’s room. They don’t find the bag of clothes, but they do find a collage. In said collage, there’s a menu for an Italian restaurant. Hanna recognizes the restaurant’s number as the number that Ali’s been calling (okay, Hanna). They think the name of the restaurant could be the password they need to message Ali at her secure email address (wait, what is happening?!?! I missed something. This show has broken my brain). IT IS. Emily sends her a message.

Ali calls the Liars. The Liars are like, “Hey, the cops are onto your shit. Can we help?” Ali is like, “COME TO THIS RANDOM LOCATION AND HURRY.”

They oblige. Only after Spencer follows Mrs. DiLaurentis in the woods and gets attacked by a bear trap and discovers a note from “A” plus a bunch of finger bones sewn into her gown, that is. You read all of that correctly.

What do the Liars find at the address? A dusty, cobwebby storage room. They look for Ali. A fifth person enters the storage room, the Liars whip around, and Spencer asks, “What are you doing here?” The Liars look STUNNED. Is it CeCe Drake? Mrs. DiLaurentis? Ali? PAIGE?! We'll have to wait until next week to find out.

I am not convinced Mrs. DiLaurentis is "A." Maybe it's because I don't want to believe any theory put forward by Ezra, maybe it's because I think she's too obvious a choice. Like, lady is the most peculiar and cryptic. All of the lurking and her obsession with Spencer? TOO SUS. Not buying it.

(Still holding onto Ezra being "A." Sorry I'm not sorry.)

Image: ABC Family