Don't Mess With Bro Code

We’re only two eps in, but Southern Charm has already unlocked the “Two Dudes Fighting Over One Lady” reality show achievement (who needs video games when you can watch reality TV?). Did Shep and Craig start a never-ending blood feud? Or is it just a harmless spat that'll be resolved in a couple of weeks? I don't know. How did the tiff begin? That I do know.

Craig has a crush on a woman named Kathryn. A “kindergarten crush.” Ew. The only other human I’ve ever heard use that phrase is Will from The Real World Hollywood . It grossed me out then, and it grosses me out now. Kathryn, as you may recall, made an appearance during last week’s ep. "Ah, yes. Thomas brought her coffee the morning after they hooked up?" you ask. Ding ding ding! You are correct.

Craig repeatedly refers to Kathryn as the “new girl,” which is strange because, like, isn’t she from Charleston? How is she the new girl? Isn’t her family a "thing?" Isn’t that part of the reason Thomas pursued her in the first place? Isn't Craig the one who is relatively new to town? AUGHHHH. Try as I might, I can't follow all of the Charleston goss. It's too much.

Craig tells Shep about his crush on Kathryn, and Shep tells Craig about his crush on a woman named MJ. Shep invites MJ (and the rest of the group) to go surfing. GROUP HANG!

MJ goes surfing with Shep, but she leaves the beach day early. This upsets Shep. He vents to Cameran about it. And then, because timing is an art, Kathryn shows up at that very moment. She swoops in and asks Shep to teach her to surf. He obliges. They flirt-surf. RED ALERT RED ALERT RED ALERT.

This steamy surf lesson is a dicey move for two reasons: 1) It could obliterate any remaining chance Shep had with MJ, and 2) Craig (Shep's bro) is kindergarten crushin' on Kathryn. Oh, SHEP.

That night (hell, it could be the next night. Or three weeks later. The actual day of the week is irrelevant to this crew. PARTY ALWAYS), Shep spits game at Kathryn at a club. They drunkenly flirt. And then, Shep says, “I wanna take you home and use you.” Kathryn does not throw her drink at Shep. Kathryn does not run away. Kathryn does not spray his eyes with mace.

Instead, Kathryn mack attacks Shep in the club. Shep tells her he wants to "take [her] home and use [her]," and she doesn't immediately push him into a fire pit. Nope. She puts her tongue on his tongue. Oof.

The next day, Craig tells Cameran over brunch that he heard Shep and Kathryn hooked up at the club. He isn't happy, and says the move broke “Bro Code 101.” Cameran is shocked Shep did it because, like, Bro Code 101 AND because Shep was so into MJ. Would that fall under "Crush Code 101," or am I trying too hard to keep up?

Craig confronts Shep about the Kathryn thing. In front of Kathryn. Because why not make the situation as uncomfortable as possible, right?

Shep is pissed at Craig for being pissed. Craig thinks Shep should've stayed away from Kathryn because he'd already expressed interest, but Shep thinks "it's almost chauvinistic" that Craig feels like he can "lay claim."

Shoot, why am I still explaining it? Watch the magnificent debate here:

What does this fight mean for Craig and Shep's friendship? Well, both of them will have at LEAST three or four more one-on-one brunches with Cameran. Lady loves to spit wisdom over an egg sandwich. I said it last week, and I'll say it again: I like Cameran.

Image: Bravo