A quicker read than any of its predecessors, Harry Potter and the Cursed Child is a roller coaster ride of emotions. Despite being a rather dark story overall, the funniest quotes in Cursed Child bring a much-needed dose of levity to J.K. Rowling's revisited wizarding world. As a great wizard once said, "Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times , if one only remembers to turn on the light."
Before we get too far in this, allow me to offer a warning. Although none of the quotes below reveal major plot twists in Harry Potter and the Cursed Child , a few of them may offer a bit more information than some readers would like to know. If you haven't read Harry Potter and the Cursed Child, and you're worried about spoilers, you might want to think twice before continuing to read.
Like the Golden Trio, new BFFs Albus Potter and Scorpius Malfoy throw around plenty of witty banter. Albus is a headstrong kid who doesn't fit in at school or at home, and Scorpius is a bookish boy with the same problem. Their personality differences make J.K. Rowling's odd couple two great additions to the Harry Potter canon.
Of course, it wouldn't be Harry Potter without Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Draco, and the four former classmates come out in force. Two decades may have passed since they found themselves on opposite sides of an impending war, but in many ways, Hogwarts never ended, and the Gryffindors and Slytherin shoot more than a few barbs at one another.
Check out the funniest quotes from Harry Potter and the Cursed Child below, and share your favorite moments from the Harry Potter play with me on Twitter.
1. "You know, Gin, we always thought there was a chance you could be sorted into Slytherin. ... Honestly, Fred and George ran a book."
— Ron Weasley in Act One, Scene Three
2. SCORPIUS: "Albus! Oh hello, Rose, what do you smell of?"ROSE: "What do I smell of?"SCORPIUS: "No, I meant it as a nice thing, you smell like a mixture of fresh flowers and fresh — bread."ROSE: "Albus, I'm here, okay? If you need me."SCORPIUS: "I mean, nice bread, good bread, bread . . . what's wrong with bread?"Rose walks away, shaking her head.ROSE: "What's wrong with bread!"
— Act One, Scene Ten
3. "Okay. Hello. Um. Have we hugged before? Do we hug?"
— Scorpius Malfoy in Act One, Scene Ten
4. "Nothing scares me. Apart from mum."
— Ron Weasley in Act One, Scene Fifteen
5. "Let's have another baby. ... Or if not another baby, a holiday. I want a baby or a holiday and I'm going to insist on it."
— Albus Potter as Ron Weasley in Act One, Scene Eighteen
6. "How to distract Scorpius from difficult emotional issues. Take him to a library."
— Albus Potter in Act One, Scene Nineteen
7. DRACO: "Sorry about your floor, Minerva."PROFESSOR McGONAGALL: "I dare say it's my fault for owning a chimney."
— Act Two, Scene Three
8. "She didn't kiss me — did you notice? ... Are you okay, Albus? You look a little pale. And red. Pale and red at the same time."
— Scorpius Malfoy in Act Two, Scene Four
9. HARRY: "I've never asked how you felt about me naming him after you, have I?"DUMBLEDORE: "Candidly, Harry, it seemed a great weight to place upon the boy."
— Act Two, Scene Eight
10. "And that's twenty points from Gryffindor to assure Albus Potter that I am this mean."
— Hermione Granger in Act Two, Scene Eleven
11. DRACO: "Keep up, old man."HARRY: "We're the same age, Draco."DRACO: "I wear it better."
— Act Two, Scene Thirteen
12. "Only — friends. Funny word — friends. Not that funny. Just a word really. Friends. Friend. Funny friend. You, my funny friend, my Hermione. Not that — not my Hermione, you understand — not MY Hermione — not MINE — you know, but . . ."
— Ron Weasley in Act Two, Scene Seventeen
13. "Potter. You're back. And you seem to have finally ruined my carpet."
— Minerva McGonagall in Act Two, Scene Eighteen
14. "So you're telling me that the whole of history rests on . . . Neville Longbottom? This is pretty wild."
— Ron Weasley in Act Three, Scene Seven
15. HERMIONE: "And — Snape? What does Snape do in this other world?"SNAPE: "I'm dead, presumably. ... You were a little too surprised to see me. How?"SCORPIUS: "Bravely."SNAPE: "Who?"SCORPIUS: "Voldemort."SNAPE: "How very irritating. ... Still, there's glory in being taken down by the Dark Lord himself, I suppose."HERMIONE: "I'm sorry, Severus."SNAPE: "Well, at least I'm not married to [Weasley]."
— Act Three, Scene Seven
Image: Warner Bros.
