While there is absolutely nothing wrong with being nice, there are some pretty annoying things that happen when you're too nice. These are the things that, despite best intentions, make your kindhearted ways feel more like a burden than a gift. If you're the type who identifies strongly with the term "people pleaser," then you likely know exactly what I mean.
It may seem incredibly unfair, but we all know there isn't much of a line between "sweet and kind" and "total pushover." This sucks for those of us who just want to be chill, and sweet, and agreeable. I mean, does the world always have to take advantage?
I wish the answer was no, but it does tend to happen. And it's especially the case for those of us who never, ever put ourselves first. "To be 'too nice' is when you make everyone a priority over yourself," says Nicole Martinez, Psy.D, LCPC, in an email to Bustle. "You do not know the meaning of the word 'no' and you are very concerned that if you did, people would be upset or not like you."
This is where nice people get into trouble. When kindness isn't connected with assertiveness, it's really easy for others to swoop in and get all greedy with your time, energy, money, etc. So start practicing being more assertive, which is "simply making your thoughts, needs, and boundaries clear, and sticking to them," Martinez says. Need some motivation? Then read on for the annoying things that happen to nice people, and make it a point to work on changing your ways.
1. You're Always Super Busy At Work
It's great to be respected for being awesome at work, but it's not so great when you get loaded down with extra projects simply because you can't say no. The latter is what happens to nice people, according to Martinez, and it can be downright annoying. "People will pile things on and ask favors they would not ask someone with strong and healthy boundaries, and [you'll be] left weighed down and used in many situations," Martinez says.
2. No One Gives A Crap About Your Personal Time
Find yourself with a spare evening, or a free morning? Don't get too excited, because your boss, partner, or friends are likely going to snatch it up. When you're too nice, it's easy for people to forget about your personal time, according to Martinez. Before you know it they'll fill it up by asking for favors, whether they mean to or not.
3. Strangers Constantly Think You're Flirting With Them
You smile a lot, and that's wonderful. But it can be easily misconstrued. Perhaps the most common way? By people thinking you're flirting with them, according to Anna Kopsky on Buzzfeed.com — even when you totally aren't.
4. People Mistakenly View You As Weak
It ain't fair, but sometimes nice people are seen as weak, according to Jessica Stillman on Inc. When that's the case, you might notice people swooping in asking for things. They think they can take advantage of your sweetness, and sometime's their totally right.
5. No One Ever Realizes When You're Sad
You are own upbeat lady, and that's just grand. But it kind of sucks when no one realizes you're sad, according to Kopsky. Whether it's because you're in the habit of smiling all the time, or you simply don't know how to ask for help, it can end up feeling pretty lonely.
6. Some People Don't Take You Very Seriously
For some reason, a nice personality is not only viewed as weak, but it's often seen as kind of naive. Maybe the haters can't imagine why you'd be so happy? Or maybe they think only those with furrowed brows are having any deep thoughts? Who knows.
7. You Turn Into Everyone's Personal Therapist
With a personality that's as open as yours, it can turn you into a sort of welcome mat for whiney coworkers and friends, according to Kopsky. What's worse is, once they start venting, you have no idea how to turn them away. Cue several hours of nodding and smiling.
8. It's A Constant Bummer When Other People Aren't Nice
If you're sweet as pie, it can be quite the bummer when you realize lots of people are the opposite. After all, kindness comes so easily to you, so you start to develop the same expectations for others, according to Bethany Rosselit on Lifehack.org. But more often than not, it's a total letdown.
9. You Feel Guilty All The Damn Time
When you get in the habit of saying yes to everything, it can feel pretty darn weird to turn the tables and say no. When you can get the guts to turn someone down, you'll likely spend the rest of the day feeling guilty, according to Kopsky. Sounds pretty familiar, right?
10. Everyone In Your Life Is Needy AF
Your friend always calls at inopportune times (2 a.m., or while you're at work), and your partner expects you to drop everything to hang out. "These people see an opportunity to take advantage of you because you have not established boundaries with them," Rosselit said. While it's nice to be wanted, this type of neediness isn't exactly healthy.
11. Some People Think You're Kind Of Shady
Like I said, not everyone is nice. So if you're off doing everyone favors, or smiling for no reason, people may think you're up to something, according to Rosselit. It seems so silly, but you can kind of see where they're coming from, right?
Of course, none of these are reasons to stop being nice. You should rock that personality trait for ever and always. Just add in a bit more assertiveness, and you should find yourself balancing out in no time.
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