For most of our lives we hear that each of us are unique, beautiful snowflakes, and that no two of us are alike. So, it would stand to reason that the same this is true when it comes to the bedroom — and the best sex toys for the style of foreplay that turns you on.
Capital S-E-X is great, but without a good warm up, it can turn into a lackluster performance. Megan Fleming, Ph.D., clinical psychologist and sex therapist, says this often happens because couples put too much pressure on sex by only thinking about the act, and skipping the pretty enjoyable build up of foreplay all together. And letting your partner know exactly what you like is important, too, she says. Everyone has his or her own style of foreplay, and it’s up to you and your partner to explore that.
“Create the conversation, whether you’re a novice or an expert,” she advised via email. “Go to a sex store or look online together. Read reviews. Knowing what you like and turns you on already is a great place to start.” Whether you want to jump into foreplay with a vibrator for direct clitoral stimulation, or prefer to start slow with a romantic massage, there are plenty of toys to accommodate. Never had a toy before? Dr. Fleming said to ask, "What toys target your personal go to favorite ways of receiving pleasure?" Once you've done that, take a look at some of these!
1. For Couples Who Like To Build Up Anticipation, Try Blindfolding
Silk Restraints (Set of Three Silk Sashes), $50, Amazon
According to Dr. Fleming, our strongest sex organ is our brain, and arousal is just as much mental as it is physical. These silk blindfolds allow for the build up of anticipation and are great for someone who wants to give up a little bit of control to their partner. Dr. Fleming said to ask yourself the following: "What turns on your partner? Is it sexy talk, physical touch, and sensation? Arousal is both physical and mental. Find out, explore, discover, take time, and add all the right ingredients, and then simmer your arousal."
2. For Those Who Like Delayed Gratification, Take It Slow With A Romantic Massage
Lulu Sensual Massage Oil, $22, Amazon
Our brains may be our strongest sex organ, but our skin is our largest — touch is everything, says Dr. Fleming. While it may seem overdone, a good rub down with this massage oil might be enough to get both you and your partner in the mood. She said, "Couples too often exclusively focus on genital stimulation. Take a lesson from tantric massage and learn which of your primary, secondary, and tertiary erogenous zones are your personal favorites. Add them in and switch it up."
3. For Even More Romantic Foreplay — Start Before You Get To The Bedroom
Conair Dual Jet Bath Spa, $40, Amazon
If your preference is more romantic foreplay, a sexy soak together not only gets you both clean, it can also put you in a loving mood. This jet spa turns your bathtub into a bubbling spa, so your bath feels more special than the quick shower you might take together in the mornings before work.
4. For Those Who Can't Wait, Experiment With A Suction Vibrator
Fiera Arouser for Her , $260, Amazon
This toy is a direct recommendation from expert Dr. Fleming herself. She said, it "offers pleasant sensation and suction to increase arousal with the bonus of being hands-free and can be a great 'before play' device." So, if you're not in the mood to delay gratification too long, try a suction vibrator like this one. Because it's a hands-free toy, it will also give you and your partner more room to explore.
5. For Those Who Are Easily Bored, Try The Liberator Combo For Switching Up Foreplay Positions
Liberator Wedge/Ramp Combo, $189, Amazon
Between longterm couples, foreplay can fall into a routine. The classic Liberator wedge is a standby for couples wanting to try new positions with ease, but this wedge and ramp combo makes it possible to try even more moves during foreplay. Dr. Fleming pointed out, "We all need to explore and play! Most couples fall into scripted sex, same positions, same sequence. Change it up!"
6. For Couples Who Like To Tease, Try A Tickler
UBOOMS Sexy Feather Whips Hand Pat For Couples, $6, Amazon
Dr. Fleming said, "Part of foreplay is in the tease and not knowing what's coming next." Couples who prefer the exchange of control can experiment with a feather tickler and hand pat. It allows you all to try series of gentle, teasing touches, followed by a few rough (and consented) slaps that may get you both excited.
7. If You Like To Stretch Your Flexibility — Work A Loving Chair Into Your Foreplay Routine
LUOOV Powerful Multifunction Sex Loving Chair, $102, Amazon
If you've ever seen a new foreplay position you want to try, but found yourself asking, "Wait, how do I get that angle?" your answer is this multifunction sex chair. With elastic bands and adjustable height, there really isn't any position you can't try.
8. For Those Who Want Instant Gratification, Use A Dual Stimulator
Bombex Temptation Collection 3 - Pronged Clit Stimulator, $22, Amazon
Sometimes you're just not in the mood for the slow, steady build up — you want it when you want it and how you want it, dammit. For those times, a dual stimulating vibrator takes care of both external and internal stimulation for an intense round of foreplay.
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Images: Andrew Zaeh/Bustle (1); Amazon (8)
