Pat's Toy Gator Talks 'Southern Charm' Cliffhanger

On Monday night’s exhilarating finale of the third season of Southern Charm, a new character was thrown into the mix: a plush white alligator toy. (If this fella has popped up on the series before, I guess I didn’t notice him until now?) (And if that is the case, I am truly embarrassed.) Perched atop an armchair in Patricia’s boudoir, his wise, red eye stared into the camera lens and into my soul. Who are you? I wondered. And what do you know? There was something about that gator's face that said "I have all of the answers," and given that I'm itching to find out what really happened between T-Rav and Landon, I thought he might be a good source. I reached out to Snowflake the gator for comment on the raucous Season 3 finale, and he was kind enough to chat with me for a few minutes over the phone before he had to return to his post.

“You’ll just have to watch every episode again, won’t you?” Snowflake laughs when I ask if Monday’s finale was his first on screen appearance. When it becomes clear that he will not give me a clear answer, I move onto his big scenes. No point in wasting our time on non-answers, I think. Hopefully, his other answers will be more straightforward. Oh, how naïve of me!

“Have you ever tried sitting down while wearing a sable coat?” Snowflake asks me. I tell him no, and add that I’ve never worn fur.

“Huh,” Snowflake replies. He goes on to tell me that the only thing more luxurious than fur is Patricia’s oxygen therapy mask. “I take it you haven’t tried that either.”

His assumption is correct. He emits another “Huh” and tells me I should fix that. I tell him I’ll let him know when I do.

When I bring up the episode’s major cliffhanger moment (aka when Landon’s friend tells Shep that Landon did actually hook up with T-Rav), he goes silent. And then, I hear what sounds like a gator clicking its tongue against the roof of its mouth (admittedly, I’ve never heard that sound before, so I’m just going with my gut on this one). After what feels like tens of minutes, he finally responds.

“What do you think happened?”

“Between Landon and T-Rav?” I ask. “Er, Robyn made it sound like they definitely hooked up, right? Or was that an editing trick? Come on, Snowflake. I know you know."

The tongue clicking noise happens again. I ask him if he knows the truth.

“Does the truth really matter?” he responds.

“Of course it does.”

“Will it change how you feel about this season of television? Will knowing the truth make you love the season more or less than you do? Do you need the truth to love this show?"

“Well, no.”

“Exactly.” More tongue clicking.

"OK, but that's not the issue."

“Exactly."

"Back to my original question—"

"Ex. Act. Ly. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go climb back on the chair before medicine o'clock. I don't want Michael to realize I’m missing.”

And with that, my oh-so illuminating conversation with the stuffed alligator is over.

Note to self: Next time, ask the marzipan pigs for dirt instead.

Images: Brianna Stello; Bravo (2)